We're happy - so why do I feel guilty?
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|Sun, 02-15-2009 - 7:27pm|
Introduction: I'm 24, SO is 25. We've been together 3 years and have sex at least 4-5x a week which is fine for both of us. His libido is average while I have a HL but it works for us.
The problem? Due to my HL, I masturbate - a lot! I've been masturbating since I was a teenager, maybe around 14, and also watching porn. I honestly don't know why I have such a HL but I've been getting horny since I was a teenager. However, I did save myself all throughout HS for many reasons/worries: pregnancy, STD's, tarnished reputation, etc. I didn't actually lose my virginity until right after I graduated when I met my first boyfriend (relationship lasted 2 years and sex was mediocre so I masturbated all the time). However, here I am having sex sometimes (I use that word loosely) 6-7x a week, but normally 4-5x a week, and I'm still masturbating every day, sometimes as many as three times! I don't get it!
I feel guilty. That's why I'm posting. I guess I just feel guilty for pleasuring myself behind his back. It's MY body but I still feel guilty. I feel maybe I should save all of my sexual gratification for when we're together.... but I can't help being horny. Sometimes at work I'll think of him and the night before when we were intimate and I'll get horny. I work at a medical office! So, that makes me feel even worse. I shouldn't be thinking of him naked or anything else sexual during the work day especially when I'm non-stop busy all day up until I leave to go home. Then when I get home, I wait for him to arrive (which is usually 15-45 minutes after me, depending on issues at work) and we immediately have sex. But... I end up getting horny again within a few hours and want to masturbate. We have multiple rooms in our home and he's usually in his office downstairs and I'll go upstairs to do laundry or watch a movie and then I'll masturbate without him knowing.
Does anyone else deal with this? Men or women can respond. I just want to know a) why I get orgasms from him but still want more, and b) why I feel so guilty about masturbating behind his back. I know only I can answer the first one but I honestly don't understand how someone can masturbate so much!
Thanks for any input. I can answer questions if needed.
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