We're happy - so why do I feel guilty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
We're happy - so why do I feel guilty?
15
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 7:27pm

Introduction: I'm 24, SO is 25. We've been together 3 years and have sex at least 4-5x a week which is fine for both of us. His libido is average while I have a HL but it works for us.

The problem? Due to my HL, I masturbate - a lot! I've been masturbating since I was a teenager, maybe around 14, and also watching porn. I honestly don't know why I have such a HL but I've been getting horny since I was a teenager. However, I did save myself all throughout HS for many reasons/worries: pregnancy, STD's, tarnished reputation, etc. I didn't actually lose my virginity until right after I graduated when I met my first boyfriend (relationship lasted 2 years and sex was mediocre so I masturbated all the time). However, here I am having sex sometimes (I use that word loosely) 6-7x a week, but normally 4-5x a week, and I'm still masturbating every day, sometimes as many as three times! I don't get it!

I feel guilty. That's why I'm posting. I guess I just feel guilty for pleasuring myself behind his back. It's MY body but I still feel guilty. I feel maybe I should save all of my sexual gratification for when we're together.... but I can't help being horny. Sometimes at work I'll think of him and the night before when we were intimate and I'll get horny. I work at a medical office! So, that makes me feel even worse. I shouldn't be thinking of him naked or anything else sexual during the work day especially when I'm non-stop busy all day up until I leave to go home. Then when I get home, I wait for him to arrive (which is usually 15-45 minutes after me, depending on issues at work) and we immediately have sex. But... I end up getting horny again within a few hours and want to masturbate. We have multiple rooms in our home and he's usually in his office downstairs and I'll go upstairs to do laundry or watch a movie and then I'll masturbate without him knowing.

Does anyone else deal with this? Men or women can respond. I just want to know a) why I get orgasms from him but still want more, and b) why I feel so guilty about masturbating behind his back. I know only I can answer the first one but I honestly don't understand how someone can masturbate so much!

Thanks for any input. I can answer questions if needed.











For me, real love consists of only a few things: honestly, loyalty, and understanding.

Within these can bring a love so powerful that nothing can break it.




3 years of bliss






"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead."



"Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved."



"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is by saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."





3 years of bliss

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 8:25pm

Try talking to him about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 8:43pm
I don't think you have anything to worry about honestly. If it were me, I'd be worried I wasn't pleasing my GF and that's why she was constantly pleasuring herself but you've made it obvious that you are satisfied with him, right? Masturbation is very normal and definitely okay to do - and generally we men don't view masturbation in the same way as women. Meaning we don't get insecure about it and upset. Women see it as a form of cheating (or so I've heard) while men don't. Don't feel guilty is basically what I'm saying. Some people just have a higher libido so there is nothing wrong with having one with your boyfriend and still wanting more. It's the same with food - you may have just had a full meal but you still want dessert and then later a snack.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 12:53pm

If it's interfering in your day, then don't do it.

At work doesn't seem like a good idea either. Fun maybe, but still not a good idea.

Otherwise, what happens if you just let yourself be horny sometimes. Do you have to rush off & take care of it every time? What about just hanging out with the hornies sometimes, enjoy the tension.

If it doesn't interfere with anything, then I don't see a problem. Just learn not to feel guilty for what you happen to like. Guilt really serves no purpose if you're going to do it anyway, just stop feeling guilty.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 2:02pm
If you want to get rid of the guilt, just tell him. As long as you make him feel secure that you aren't going to cheat on him because of your sexual appetite, it shouldn't be an issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:04am

Do you think more sex would help take the edge off from masturbating so much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 5:53pm

>>>Have you ever had enough sex in one day where you didn't feel the need to masturbate that day?

Yes! Ironically, last night we had sex longer than usual (he had the day off so he masturbated - which is a rarity for him and which also causes him to last extra long) probably about 45 minutes and after that I was satisfied all night. I have tried to get him to masturbate more often but he is kind of lazy about that, why masturbate when he has me? That's what he tells me. I can tell 100% when he has because our sex lasts much longer. Unfortunately, when I do it for him (or blowjobs) he doesn't last as long as when he does it. Have you any idea why that is?

I agree he may doubt himself if he knows about my activities behind his back - however, I don't know if he can keep up! Worth a try though... definitely worth a try!











For me, real love consists of only a few things: honestly, loyalty, and understanding.

Within these can bring a love so powerful that nothing can break it.




3 years of bliss






"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead."



"Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved."



"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is by saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."





3 years of bliss

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 7:39pm

Thanks Gregory! I greatly appreciate your insight. I do agree that men view masturbation differently than women. I guess since I've been doing it since I was a teenager, it's become almost habit - if that makes sense - but I don't think habit is the cause of an HL, right? I don't know, it's so hard to explain how I feel but I know that I shouldn't feel guilty. If I weren't pleasing hi as well, then I guess I should in fact feel guilty for being so selfish.

Thanks again for your response.











For me, real love consists of only a few things: honestly, loyalty, and understanding.

Within these can bring a love so powerful that nothing can break it.




3 years of bliss






"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead."



"Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved."



"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is by saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."





3 years of bliss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:30pm

<< I have tried to get him to masturbate more often but he is kind of lazy about that, why masturbate when he has me? That's what he tells me. I can tell 100% when he has because our sex lasts much longer. Unfortunately, when I do it for him (or blowjobs) he doesn't last as long as when he does it. Have you any idea why that is? >>


This goes along with what I suspected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 11:52am

causes him to last extra long) probably about 45 minutes and after that I was satisfied all night. ~ that makes sense. There is probably a way to word it properly, tactfully. "M more, so you last longer"

i.e. what if your sex increased to 2 or 3 times a day.. ~ I always wonder what the total sexual time in this scenario is ... 2 or 3 times for ... an hour each, 10 minutes each?

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 2:45pm
I think this has been addressed in message # 9 already.

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