What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
What to do?
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 1:51pm
My BF is 34, I'm 27. We've been together for about a year and a half. He is a stresscase and has trouble letting go of things. He works a lot of hours. He also struggles with making big decisions, and right now that is when/if to take our relationship to the next level (get engaged). He had a previous bad broken engagement so he is a little gun-shy, although I'm not pressuring him in any way.
The point of my post is that all this added pressure and stress he puts on himself has created a medical and mental issue. He always has stomach issues and has even gone through a battery of tests to make sure it's not a major medical problem. They came back negative which is good, but his sex drive is just non-existent because he just doesn't feel good 3/4 of the time. He also travels alot so our windows of opportunity are limited. I feel like a jerk asking him for sex when I know he just doesn't feel well, and when I get upset I just make him feel worse.
I love him and would marry him if this one issue could be resolved. But his stress level is not allowing for us to be close in a sexual way, and I'm so scared of ending up in a sexless marriage. Our sex life hasn't changed/grown since we started dating. It only happens less often the longer we are together/the closer we get to making a major committment. It concerns him as well and we talk about it often. He cares for me very deeply and wants to make me happy and to be closer to me in that way. But when he feels sick all the time, what are we supposed to do to make it better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
In reply to: summer1841
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 3:06pm
Sound like he may be depressed. Often people who are depressed are sick all the time. I know I was/am Bi-polar. When I was undiagnosed I was sick all the time. Never felt well. Had alot of stomache problems. I think you should look in that direction.Low or lack of sex drive is also associated with depression. I would try to get him some professional help in this area. I would also hold off moving your relationship to another level until you know what is really going on. My DW lived through hell for years with me before I got help. Don't let that happen to you
Good luck and live strong! Every day is a gift