What stress levels are acceptable for a HL to temporarily lose their sexual desire?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
What stress levels are acceptable for a HL to temporarily lose their sexual desire?
27
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 3:54pm

Before the HL status comes into question?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
That's quite a question. IMO, intuition will serve you better than any formula in answering it.

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Hasn't the consensus opinion here always been that HLs respond to stress differently than LLs, sex being a stress reliever for the former and a stress inducer for the latter?

Care to provide more backstory as to why this is a question? I can guess but I'd rather not speculate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Glenn, given that sex is very important to you I wouldn't be finalising any decision about her until you know more about how her sex drive operates.   The fact that you are looking at this unknown shows that you may not yet know enough about her to make the final decision.

Personally, I'd be giving it a little time and observation.  How long does her libido take to recover?  Will it recover at all? You really want to know this stuff before you commit.

Regarding what is 'acceptable' stress, that is up to you.  What this really comes down to is whether or not you can live with it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

I could be wrong here, Glenn, but I sense that you want us to reassure you that she might still be HL for the long haul, despite her current dip in libido. Understandable, if you love her and are thinking of marrying her. But I have to ask: What's the rush? Is it that you need to be married to have sex with her? I don't see that as a good reason to rush into marriage, given your very specific sexual needs and previous experience. If it's something else, I still suggest putting the brakes on.  If she's good for you, she won't go away.

JMHO Freelance


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

Yes, based on our combined values and belief systems, I believe it would be best for us to wait until marriage to have sex. Next, she can only move to me over the summer so if it's going to be next summer, we need to move in that direction soon and start planning accordingly. Otherwise, it's nearly two years before I will be having sex or a wife next to me in bed at night.

Everything about this woman is right to me beyond question. Even her general libido was a settled matter until the situation at work arose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
One thing you have to remember as a general rule is this: HLs are usually comforted by sex, they will still want to have sex even in times of stress. Your SO is showing the opposite, I would really worry about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004

"One thing you have to remember as a general rule is this: HLs are usually comforted by sex, they will still want to have sex even in times of stress. Your SO is showing the opposite, I would really worry about that."

 

Agreed, the same thing occured to me. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

She arrives a week from today so I will keep my initiation of sexual interaction on the DL and see what she comes up with herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005

My question would be as to whether her future work assignements are likely to create similar levels of stress. If so, the discussion about libido recovery might be moot.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

I doubt they would continue. She knew going into this position that corruption in her area of influence had run amok and it was her job to expose it. In return, she was offered a rather cush position at global, corporate headquarters. Unfortunately, that is in a different state than we will be living since I can't leave my 4 kids behind for an income.

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