It is a losing battle as long as she doesn't work on it. And, of course, you can't force her to do so.
Frankly, the odds are stacked against you tremendously. She has a lot of inhibition to overcome and getting married will likely give her less reason to want to deal with it.
What kinds of "work" do you expect her to do? Have you told her exactly what you expect from her?
" What do I do from here?
"It's setting yourself up for years of heartache, but more important, it is terribly unfair and mean to her. "
I agree 100% with this statement.
Sorry to hear about your situation.
When you see it coming, duck!