Welcome to the board and sorry to hear about your childhood rapes. I'm also a LL female, though I have no history of sexual abuse. I guess in your situation I'd suggest the middle ground: some effort on your part to "just do it" on occasion, as long as he does his very best to treat you well and avoid your triggers, and some effort on his part to understand your current limitations and find other avenues for sexual release. Would you be open, for example, to helping him masturbate, watching him do it, or briefly assisting him orally? How about simple whole-body massages, which he could follow with masturbation if he wanted?
Take care and I hope you stick around! I love this board but often feel outnumbered by all the HLs here, and start to think I must be a freak for not being consumed with sex.
Welcome to the board.
You are not even CLOSE to being a freak. In fact you are sometimes the voice of reason crying in the wilderness. Perhaps you FEEL like a freak because you are fundamentally different in a wonderful way, in that you make a real effort to look at both sides of the issue. I admit, that is often hard for me to do.