BF is too tired, stressed, busy for sex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
BF is too tired, stressed, busy for sex!
6
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 3:21pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 9:23pm

>>What do I do? Any suggestions would be great! Thanks!

Get used to it. He's 28 and turning down sex.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You've fallen
pray to another LL bait and switch scam.
It won't get any better. Your choices are cut
your loses or buy a shower massager.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 6:58am

Ouch... realizing this totally makes it 10 times worse. I guess now I can understand why he was always better at doing the long distance thing than me. We were a long distance couple for about 10 months before we actually started to live together. At first things were fine, but ever since then things have slowly started to decrease. Now it seems he he would much rather go to the gym, or watch his sports highlights instead of have sex with me : (

I still can't seem to understand that state of mind though. Is is a mental issue? A medical issue? I mean, how can you just NOT want sex!?!? I just don't get it? How can a person go for 1 - 2 weeks without sex, and have it not even bother them one bit, and not even realize it? Are you sure this couldn't be stress/work related? Or am I now just making up excuses for him? I can't believe a 28 year old man would want less sex than I do, this is all too surreal for me to handle right now, I don't really know what to do... I mean I wouldn't really consider myself HL, all I ask is that I can have a healthy regular sex life. I would even settle for 2-3 times a week, is that too much to ask, or would that be too much work for a LL?? I'm sorry, I just can't believe that there are actually people(especially men) that think like this? I actually started to think maybe he was gay... lol... ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 7:29am

Peachy,

Unfortunately you are in an ML situation. Yes there are people and men like that.
They can go for weeks on end without any interest in sex. Doesn't make them a bad person
just that they don't have much of a sex drive. There is no known medical science or cure for this. Ask an LL and its not a problem that needs curing. It's not even a problem.
Talking about it sometimes helps but it usually a temporary thing.

So if you want sex 2 or 3 times a week and you don't have all that much invested in this relationship my advise is cut him loose. You can read through the threads how many of us are still in the relationship because we have kids or its been a long time commitment.

One very important note I must add. This has nothing to do with you. He is programmed this way. Just like you are programmed your way. He would be the same with the hottest model or actress you can think of as he is with you. So don't go crazy wondering what you are doing wrong or how can you fix yourself. This is not about you.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 9:15am

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It's not how he thinks, it's how he's wired. Sex is an enormously complex function, bringing biology, psychology and innumerable social influences to bear, so it stands to reason that desire for sex would span a very wide range.

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Yes, it might be. Or he might end up giving it to you begrudgingly, which you would NOT enjoy (read the "bad sex vs. no sex" thread to learn more).

<>

How can anyone be left-handed??? How can anyone not like chocolate??? What's to get? He is not you. And, as a LL woman, I feel it's my duty to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with him for being the way he is (just as there is nothing wrong with you for being the way you are). You're just different.

<>

Bingo! I agree with others who've responded that your best move, by far, is to get out now. Keep reading the board to find out about the AGONY that awaits you if you and this guy end up married with kids. Please don't put your energy into trying to change him. It's not fair to either of you. Put your energy into finding a good match for YOU.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 9:19am

This is great, You and I giving out the same advise?
What's next dogs and cats sleeping together?

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 9:37am

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Ha ha, very funny. I've always given this type of advice, whether to HLs or LLs. Trying to change someone's essential nature is like telling a hair-raising story to a bald man -- an exercise in wasted energy.

F.