Big Issue Big Move

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2007
Big Issue Big Move
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 5:18pm


I am a newish stay-at-home mom of a beautiful boy, who is now a year an a half. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. So, if you have done the math by now, you can figure out that we got married after learning that

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 6:55pm

I would start by finding out a little more about his sexual history. See if you can get answers to such questions as: Do you or did you masturbate? Do you or did you fantasize about sex? How did sex or sexual activity play out in your previous relationships? When was your first sexual experience (not necessarily intercourse)? Have you always had a low desire for sex, or has your desire been more urgent in the past? His answers will probably reveal whether you're dealing with a constitutional LL (always been that way) or a situational LL (LL due to current circumstances). It may be difficult to get the truth, of course, as direct questions could make your DH feel defensive and inadequate. You'll have to tread softly and perhaps obliquely.

From the brief snapshot you've given us, I suspect he may be a constitutional LL. The biggest clue, IMO, is your statement that you never felt sexually pursued by him even during courtship. If he's just not a sexual person and never was one, there's probably not much you can do except try for a compromise, assuming your "minimum" and his "maximum" overlap. One way or another, you two need to talk.


Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 12-11-2007 - 7:15pm

You also need to check into the laws of the country you are moving to.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 7:27am

In addition to what others have said... if you haven't already, you need to find out if he's been abused at some point: