Can there be affection without sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Can there be affection without sex?
14
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 9:12am

I always thought so.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 10:21am

Yes, there can be affection without sex, and sex is a form of affection as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 1:48pm

Yes, I have told him its uncomfortable--he doesn't seem to

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 4:03pm

It sounds like he is pushing you to have sex before you're prepared to? It should be OK to cuddle and be affectionate before leaping ahead to sex. Have you told him you feel affectionate but aren't ready to have sex?

It is possible to feel affection and even profound love without feeling sexual. I too am LL, or NL (No Libido), and would prefer to skip it unless someone I really loved wanted to have sex. There are more of us than people think. I was watching a recent standup routine by Janeane Garofalo (available via instant streaming on Netflix) and was surprised but pleased to hear her identify herself as atheist and asexual (my sister!). Some quotes from Janeane:

"What I've decided to do...I'm just celibate...Honest to God, I've just had it. I just don't...I don't have to worry about it...I'm done...I'm DONE! I've had enough. And I don't have a fear of intimacy--I have a genuine lack of interest...which is not good news for my boyfriend of ten years, but, you know, we'll have to talk about it."

And some stuff along the same lines from Scientific American:

"...by all appearances most asexual people are normal, healthy, hormonally balanced and sexually mature adults who, for still uncertain reasons, have always found sex to be one big, bland yawn."

"...many asexuals are also perfectly willing to have sex if it satisfies their sexual partners; it’s not awkward or painful for them but rather, like making toast or emptying the trash, they just don’t personally derive pleasure from the act."

http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=are-there-asexuals-among-us-on-the-2009-10-29

I think more people need to be aware that not everyone is particularly sexually driven. I was enjoying myself over the holidays and met a lovely young man who was extremely interested in me...a little too interested. He wanted to take me to see a play, to have a drink, to go for coffee the next day. I turned down his invitations, which clearly had strings attached, and finally we settled down to have a lovely chat until it was time for me to see a

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 8:39pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 9:10pm

Great post, OC. Awareness needs to be raised!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 5:19am

...of course it's possible for people to show affection without it leading to sex or without sexual purpose or without sexual urges arising...especially if one has a low libido (or, as the others are, no libido)...I would imagine that it is difficult to impossible to show physical affection if one if HL without becoming aroused, without hoping for sexual intimacy, and/or without trying to initiate sexual intimacy, especially if the HL is not sexually fulfilled and if there is a huge imbalance between the physical (non sexual) affection the LL seeks and the sexual affection the HL desires...the trick to it comes with how the couple handles balancing the desires for the respective types of affection without making the LL feel as though they are frigid or uncaring and HL as though they are only interested in sex from their partner...even if all the awareness in the world is pushed, it won't solve the imbalance...the two involved have to do it (seek balance), have to want to balance, have to want to make it work...have to...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 8:41pm

I might have misread merriweathercat, but I thought she was saying they haven't yet taken the plunge into sex, and for now she just wants to be affectionate with this fellow without feeling pressured for sex. I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 8:37am

...oh, I thought it was her husband...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 4:52pm
I could be wrong. I just reread the OP, and the part about sex happening "later" is a bit ambiguous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 01-13-2011 - 3:51am

I'm confused as well and your SO may be too: Are you asking for affection with no sexual activity

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