Can't loose what isn't there
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| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:30pm |
Its was just never there to loose is my conclusion.
I've have self-analyzed,, I've read everything , I think.
I've talked here,,, I've talked to girlfriends.
I've come to the conclusion , I've never had a libido to loose.
I'm not dead... couple of times a months are just fine with me.
Thats just the way I am. I think I was 20 something before I ever
thought about sex and that was only cause the guy I was with wanted it.
I've been medically checked out and I'm healthy . YEA!
Yes there was problems growing up,, I won't deny that.
But I never as a teenager ooooo'd over the boys nor "felt" anything.
I am going back into thereby cause my dear DH thinks my lack of libido is
his all his fault and I hate myself for him feeling that way. I keep telling him its not him.
I've tired just about everything ,I think.. But the self-hate is growing strong.
I can't stand it anymore. I'm not looking to become a super horny female that jumps DH
everytime she can... granted DH might like that :-)
I just don't want to hate myself anymore.
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Hi Debbzy!
I've been wondering how you've been doing. Haven't seen you post for a while.
I hope you can learn to love yourself some day but I think until you and your husband start discussing sex and your sex life, the pressure will never stop for you, which certainly will make it hard to love yourself. Just telling him that it's not him isn't going to work. He's living with fairy tale ideas, things we grew up and feel this is how it should be. Sexual desire isn't tied directly to love. That no matter how hard he tries, he can't increase your sexual desire any more than he could make himself love chocolate if he hates it. You'll have to help him education himself. Hoping you can somehow find a way to appeal to him as your best friend to try to work on understanding how the two aren't directly related and you are who you are.
"I've have self-analyzed,, I've read everything , I think."
Have you looked at this one? I might help out with the acceptance of yourself. Maybe it might provide some information that you can discuss with your husband. I haven't read it myself but some others here have recommended it.
Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido by Sandra Pertot
HI 55
Yes it been awhile. busy busy busy. :-)
But yea, problems never go away.
I know I have to talk to him but its just WAY to embrassing. I can't do it.
I've never, talked to any man about sex. Except here. LOL.
I love who I am ,, just in this one dept I hate myself.
yea.. well........... I made a appt with the therbist. I can't stand it.
I can't relax anymore. I know I am doing this to myself but I don't know how to stop.
I'll keep ya posted.
take care
hugs
Deb
Hi ya debbzy! (((HUGS)))
How have you been doing?!
So, you're going to see a therapist? Have you thought about taking dh along with ya? It sounds like he may need a bit of help understanding this a bit better? The one thing that did help in my situation was learning and accepting that it's the sex, not me per se. You may want to specify that if you haven't already.
Granted, obviously I still HURT over this ML sometimes (you folks know that) but it helps in that I don't take it so personally anymore and I can see people have varying needs. It also helped that I began recognizing the ways my dh is able to express his love for me and I gained appreciation for those efforts. Ahh...hon, I hope you find some answers and peace on this. You shouldn't hate yourself for who you are, this is just part of who you are...it doesn't mean your less a person nor does it mean you love your hubby less. You wouldn't hate yourself for having blue or green eyes, right?
Well...I still think some of this has to do w/ how he's dealing with it, but I wish you a lot of love and luck in your therapy. And I think it's great you're seeking it out. And yes, please keep us posted!!!!
Elyse
I feel so bad for you.
When you see it coming, duck!
hi hon
& thxs I'm doing ok. U?
DH doesn't even know I'm going to see the DOC. I go Tuesday and I have to figure out what white lie to tell him. I'm to humiltated to tell him. I know,, only been with the man for 10yrs. Get over it already.. naw.. don't work that easy.
Something DH did find out today. We were.. well,,, :-)grin.
and he asked something and I said he was the only man I've ever wanted to have sex with.
He looked at me kind of dumbfounded and said "really??"
Talk about boosting his ego..but its the truth. I never wanted to do it with "them"
I just ,,, did it. Be the good wify ya know. agh.
Plus he found out I've never done (nevermind) with any guy , he was very floored that he was the first.
But the past haunts me and its hard to put away 25+ years of negativity.
So,, I go find out how to put the past behind me. Hate is a terrible waste of engery.
Yes I'll keep u posted
hugs