Clingy and Gropey
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|Thu, 07-09-2009 - 6:16am|
My fiance and I are butting heads. I'm worried, because one of the biggest reasons people get divorces, other than money, is problems in the bedroom, and we're starting even before we're married.
I love my man exclusively, I really do, but there are times when he is so clingy and gropey that I feel like I have a kid instead of a grown man! He spends a lot of time with his guy friends, and I support that, but when he gets home he's sometimes beyond irritating with his invasion of my personal space (I'm an only child, he isnt). It's frustrating that he behaves this way and then gets all hurt and rejected when I ask him to cut it out.
He greets me with a grope. "I'm just saying 'hi'!" -grope grope- "I'm just saying I love you." -paw-
"Hi honey, I'm home!" -grind hump-
I cannot come home from work and change out of my uniform without him coming in for a quick paw, so I have started locking the bathroom door. I cannot watch a movie with him without his head being on my chest or in my lap (he thinks I'm his personal pillow-- as if these things aren't heavy enough as it is without him hanging off them!).
I suppose I should appreciate that he likes my body. At least one of us does. But it's to the point that if his face isn't in my bra his hands are, and when I swat them away he gropes southward instead. We cannot cuddle without his hands wandering. I cannot get out of bed or out of a chair without getting 'goosed' or swatted.
It is to the point where I am so desensitized by all this pawing that when he tries to arouse me it just does absolutely nothing for me, so then he gets upset and wants to know 'why I cant just enjoy it'. Believe me I have tried. It drives me insane having to lay there and try to convince myself that his 'nibbling' is actually pleasant when all I feel is like I'm being chewed on by a bug I desperately want to squash. Sometimes I can do it(not often).
He's insistent AND persistent. He refuses to wrap his head around the concept that this continual groping makes me less receptive to sex; I have mentioned that I suspected my BCP was a likely culprit and have changed meds, which has helped, but he still behaves like it's all in my head. (of course meds don't help when the packs are all for 28-day cycle women and I'm 32- thus leaving days either not covered before Aunt Flo arrives or effectively wasting pills taking them while she's still visiting!)
I don't help myself when I do give in because he figures if he just keeps at it long enough I'll give in next time, too. It occasionally works, so I sometimes do enjoy it once we're started-- but he was injured a few years ago and it just takes more work now to get him anywhere. It requires so much stimulation on his part that by the time he's ready, I've lost it. I feel more like I'm 'servicing' him instead of 'loving' him.
His timing doesn't help, either. We both work night shift, so our internal clocks are already messed up, but he stays up all hours of the day with his friends, or comes home right before my bed time expecting me to cook dinner or be horny.
At times it feels like he's more in love with my body than *me*.
I just want him to come home and hug me instead of groping me, but when I try to explain that to him he laughs or gets mopey like I've kicked his dog!