Desperate to fix my low sex drive! help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Desperate to fix my low sex drive! help!
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 3:07pm

I'v been married 5 years. During the first few yrs of our marriage my husband and I suffered 4 miscarriages. I am now in my early 40's. I haven't been pregnant since December 2006. I was on Prozac for a year after that, and went off it because I wanted my sex drive back, but still...nothing. It's been 2 years and the problem is getting worse, not better. I literally have 0 desire for my husband or for sex. I don't masturbate at all and I never think of sex.

In the past, with my husband and previous partners I was the high libido partner and enjoyed sex immensely. I used to watch "those" kind of movies (now they make me sick) I used to read "those" kind of magazines (now I find them boring) and I used to masturbate a few times a week and initiate sex on top of that a few times a week. I also used to think about sex at least a few times a day and get very excited.

I have an appointment with a gynecologist and I'm hoping they will take me seriously. I'v seen my regular doctor who doesn't do anything for me (ever) and a homeopath who is trying to help, but nothings happenned yet. I'm also seeing a marriage counsellor with my husband because our marriage has definately suffered over this and other issues. We dont' have a strong marriage now but I know that if I could get my sex drive back, and I would have more motivation to fix our problems.

I'm willing to hear anyones advice of how I can make a start to get my sex drive back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 8:07pm

Well first and foremost, sex drive starts with the mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2009
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 1:57pm

My only advice is to remember your low interest in sex does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with you. Yes, maybe there is, and a doctor might find a way to fix it, but the fact you have low libido doesn't mean for sure you have a problem.

Yes, it is likely causing a problem between you and your husband, and therefor is a problem, and I think it is good you are seeking to do something to make your marriage stronger. Just don't loose sight of the fact having a low libido does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:34am
...I would make a list before the appointment if I were you...and, I would not leave the office until your physician has addressed all of your issues to your satisfaction...if you don't get the answers that you are looking for, try another doctor is you can...perhaps you could call the office and let them know that you have specific issues that you want to talk about and would like to have additional time scheduled...good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 7:40am

Are there any other issues in your marriage causing disharmony other than sex?


Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin