Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?
73
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:55am

Just something I've wondered about.....if someone doesn't have any sexual fantasies, does that always mean they have low or no libido? Or could they be HL (or anywhere in between), and lack of fantasies simply indicates that they just don't have any particular wishes/fantasies, that they don't care how they get some as long as they get some? Does that even make sense?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

It's an excellent question. My guess is that lack of fantasies is usually, though not always, an indication of LL. HLs are disposed to think a lot about sex, and part of that thinking consists of fantasies. The degree of kink may vary, but even a "meat and potatoes" HL would be inclined to fantasize, is my guess.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

..I'm considered the LL in my relationship, but I desire sex about 3-4 times a week but I do not fantasize...don't find myself thinking about sex...don't think of people I see on the street in sexual terms...and, I don't masturbate...but...all of this could have little to do with my libido and a whole lot to do with being completely sexually satisfied...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Oh, I wasn't saying that LLs never fantasize. LOL I know that there are some who do. This is just something I was thinking about after reading a statement somewhere saying that lack of fantasies always indicates LL (no fantasies=LL, not LL=no fantasies).




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
I think that what is actually more accurate is that if a person is not willing/interested in discussing their sexual fantasies or making steps towards creating a reality situation that reflects on their fantasies, that they might be LL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
The statement did not say "always". It said correlated with. As part of a list of several items.

Many of us have been deeply wonded by mismatch. We are looking for "red flags" to avoid winding up here again if we ever find ourselves single. The "tests" are designed to be biased. They are purposely intended to give many "false positives" for LL. So that someone who desperately wants to avoid ML can do so. Even if it costs them what might be a wonderful relationship.

There is no always or never in ML. Some LLs fantasize frequently. Some HLs don't fantasize at all.

The list of red flags is intended to help people be on the lookout for red flags. It does not guarantee any particular result. Freelance made a list of red flags for LLs to look out for if they want to avoid ending up with someone who has an relentless need for sex regardless of outside circumstances. It was similarly skewed and somewhat more tongue in cheek. But no less useful.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
I'm not sure what you're reading, but I got this idea from an outside source (a non-IV message board that I am part of). I figured this would be a good place to get more input on the topic, as it got the wheels turning...I'm the kind of person that likes as much perspective as possible. :)




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...the list that is on this board is lame (just my opinion)...likening it to losing weight/maintaining a lower weight, it seems to touch on all of the shallow ways to lose weight...like, eat dry, seasonless turkey three times a day, eat one meal a day, deny yourself real fulfillment by chosing frozen diet food over a new, healthy way to eat, eat one donut versus three filling salads everyday...the list focuses on losing the weight not living at a lower weight...I think you hit the nail on the head...a lot of HLs that follow it will miss out on good relationships...they might never be the "victim" of a ML again because they may end up alone...other than a string of good f@ck$ (which, if that's all they're after...then success will be achieved)...but, if the HL is wanting a relationship that includes attachment and commitment long term...they need to learn how to maintain the weight loss...as the LLs do...the fact remains, in my opinion, there isn't a short cut list that will produce success...you'll just continue to eat all of the "wrong" things, while continuing to starve...all of you that seek a better relationship that includes commitment and attachment and life partnership (please, if you aren't looking for those three things...then, I agree...the list will work great...) you're simply going to have to muddle through like the rest of us poor bastards....you're going to have to cut calories, get off of your behind and exercise, and you're going to have to do it forever...you're going to have to date, and date, and date, and live with someone and live with someone and test the relationship with mortgages, and bills, and sickness, and death of loved ones before you're going to know for sure whether someone has a libido that will maintain in the face of real life...I think some of you will find that after your sexual urges are satisfied (especially as you age) you aren't as HL as you thought and if you tangle yourself with someone who simply wants sex regardless of what other issues you have going on, you may also find yourself alone as you age and become unable to maintain that sexually starved state...yes, I know, some of you flipantly will say "bring it on"...which part are wanting brought on?...the woman/man who wants simply to have good sex, without regard to what else is going on in life?...or the alone when you can't produce part?...some of you simply need to own up, you made stupid choices for a spouse...some of you chose to maintain the marriage before children and after realizing you made a mistake...own it and do not marry someone who shows signs of selfishness early on...the signs will be there...try not to minimize them in the future when the hormones are raging...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
zejayge wrote:

...the list that is on this board is lame (just my opinion)...a lot of HLs that follow it will miss out on good relationships...they might never be the "victim" of a ML again because they may end up alone...other than a string of good f@ck$ (which, if that's all they're after...then success will be achieved)...but, if the HL is wanting a relationship that includes attachment and commitment long term...they need to learn how to maintain the weight loss...as the LLs do...the fact remains, in my opinion, there isn't a short cut list that will produce success...you'll just continue to eat all of the "wrong" things, while continuing to starve...all of you that seek a better relationship that includes commitment and attachment and life partnership (please, if you aren't looking for those three things...then, I agree...the list will work great...) you're simply going to have to muddle through like the rest of us poor bastards....you're going to have to cut calories, get off of your behind and exercise, and you're going to have to do it forever...you're going to have to date, and date, and date, and live with someone and live with someone and test the relationship with mortgages, and bills, and sickness, and death of loved ones before you're going to know for sure whether someone has a libido that will maintain in the face of real life...I think some of you will find that after your sexual urges are satisfied (especially as you age) you aren't as HL as you thought and if you tangle yourself with someone who simply wants sex regardless of what other issues you have going on, you may also find yourself alone as you age and become unable to maintain that sexually starved state...yes, I know, some of you flipantly will say "bring it on"...which part are wanting brought on?...the woman/man who wants simply to have good sex, without regard to what else is going on in life?...or the alone when you can't produce part?...some of you simply need to own up, you made stupid choices for a spouse...some of you chose to maintain the marriage before children and after realizing you made a mistake...own it and do not marry someone who shows signs of selfishness early on...the signs will be there...try not to minimize them in the future when the hormones are raging...

As someone who a) intends to follow the advice of many on this board and end my marriage, b) intends to follow the advice of many on this board and start a successful life partnership after this marriage with as little chance of ML as possible and c) intends to follow the advice of many on this board (especially yours, Z)

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