Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?
73
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:55am

Just something I've wondered about.....if someone doesn't have any sexual fantasies, does that always mean they have low or no libido? Or could they be HL (or anywhere in between), and lack of fantasies simply indicates that they just don't have any particular wishes/fantasies, that they don't care how they get some as long as they get some? Does that even make sense?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010

I think women's libido does fluctuate and also has different causes. I can't speak for everybody but from my own and girlfriends' personal experience, I believe that the hots before

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

"I think a LL can have a HIGH libido if it serves them well"...along with your examples of how an LL can be served well by having sex I wanted to add "pleasing her husband that she loves"...thanks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

"That would be what I would want to understand or uncover almost more than anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>.a willingness to have sex does not say "I will love you and treat you with respect and honor always, no matter what"...so many of you are sex starved...so, the prospect of frequent sex with someone willing to have it who wants to have it with you seems so important (which is how I feel about my husband even if I don't feel sexual desire as much as him)...but, HL partners can be selfish and jackasses about stuff too...maybe even stuff that, in the end, turns out to be more important than sex...I'm just sayin'...<<

This is just plain BRILLIANT, Z. "I will love you and treat you with respect and honor, always, not matter what." THAT'S what I was supposed to be looking for the whole time!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010

I guess severe ML would lead to them

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Completely agree. I just where sex is important to one partner (or both), it is such a relationship killer that you can't get married if that is a problem. So you have to explore potential mismatch. You can't get to "how would wee resolve any differences" until you realize there are differences.

And I think sex is rather unique among human behaviors. Plenty of people who are quite willing to compromise in other areas draw a very hard line at not having sex when they aren't in the mood. Nothing wrong with that. But I don't think you can generalize that a willingness to compromise will extend to sex.

I don't worry about "next time". I am getting older and sex is less important and I don't think there will be a next time. But I do feel strongly that "never marrieds" should attempt to deal with sexual mismatch openly and up front. And be skeptical that they can work through a significant mismatch (the success stories on this site notwithstanding).

I know I am scarred and jaded. Still, I would advise couples to pick just about anything else to be the biggest source of friction in their relaitonship. Sex is the only thing where you promise to be monogamous. So couples are best finding something else to be the need they can't fulfill for their partner.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006

ML is one of a 'zillion' things that can go wrong but when it comes to deal-breakers, if you have more than you can count on two hands, you may as well not be wasting anyone else's time. In fact, if you go over the singles dating board you will find a lot of (specifically older) ppl dating in frustration for years on end for this very reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

Oh, I primarily wasn't thinking about sex - astonishing though that is.... - and I quite willingly own up to being selfish, obtuse, a jackass, etc from time to time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010

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