Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?
73
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:55am

Just something I've wondered about.....if someone doesn't have any sexual fantasies, does that always mean they have low or no libido? Or could they be HL (or anywhere in between), and lack of fantasies simply indicates that they just don't have any particular wishes/fantasies, that they don't care how they get some as long as they get some? Does that even make sense?




Powered by CGISpy.com



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

Hold: Plenty of people who are quite willing to compromise in other areas draw a very hard line at not having sex when they aren't in the mood. Nothing wrong with that.

Except that you need to tell your prospective partner that

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
>>>>> I can also think of several ways of soliciting information that would expose that attitude and jolly well would. <<<<<

Do tell.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

"Anyone who's sure about what they know is an idiot from my perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010

With women I know pretty well, I think I pretty much know

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...I don't agree with everything you've written, but the fact that someone not playing fair or being honest or seeming fake or selfish is probably way more important than if they'll discuss their sex life with a date...which I would not...

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004

>>>>> explore their political views toward feminism (where they would presumably be more honest than their personal views on sex) <<<<<

Possibly true. Certainly worth exploring.

But especially given the prevalence of rape and sexual abuse, I think that sex may be a special category. I imagine there are many women who are not ardent feminists but who are triggered by pressure for unwanted sex.

So while I think questions about willingness to compromise and political views about feminism are relevant, I don't think that generic discussion of those topics are remotely sufficient. If you want to know how they feel about taking joy from their partners sexual pleasure even when they aren't in the mood for sex, you have to ask about that directly.

And since zejayge is correct that people often are not good at predicting how they will react to hypothetical situations (yes, I "cheated" and already read the next post in this thread ;->), you cannot rely on their prediction. So it is still useful to ask all the other Top ten questions to gauge how big a gap you are trying to bridge. Obviously if someone expresses zero willingness to provide undesired partner sex, then you have your answer. But even if they claim to be willing, I would only be willing to trust them to be correct if the gap is relatively small.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>...I don't agree with everything you've written, but the fact that someone not playing fair or being honest or seeming fake or selfish is probably way more important than if they'll discuss their sex life with a date...which I would not...<<

And I'll discuss all the details of my sexual past with anyone just about (they need to be "of age" and not related to me or DH in any way, cause the best way to keep your family out of your business is to not TELL them about your business, kwim?)

Just because I had a wild past, and am willing to talk about it doesn't mean I will be HL forever in a relationship with somebody.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
darlingcoconutcarly wrote:

I think when a woman who really likes sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>Oh, there's another one for the list, ask her girlfriends, lol.<<

Oh my girlfriends would have definitely said I was a total tigress. Of course, I have very few girlfriends, one has been married to the same guy her entire life (her first love) and the other is a mormon. I don't do girlfriends. Most of my closest and best friends have been men. They'd tell ya I had a HL too, though.

Just another way I don't "fit" the profile

Pages