Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Does lack of fantasies always indicate lack of libido?
73
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:55am

Just something I've wondered about.....if someone doesn't have any sexual fantasies, does that always mean they have low or no libido? Or could they be HL (or anywhere in between), and lack of fantasies simply indicates that they just don't have any particular wishes/fantasies, that they don't care how they get some as long as they get some? Does that even make sense?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

<<Now that you've posted more, honestly, I don't even recognize any of the positions you somehow seem to think I hold. You are mistaken.>>


OK, maybe I overreacted. When you expressed how UNUSUAL you thought it was to have a consistently low interest in sex, what I heard was "weird, broken and freakish."


OC, I also believe (deep down, wholeheartedly) that the proportion of women like us is MUCH higher than 1%. I can count quite a few such women among my past and present friends. I read about such women all the time. Why then has the popular media not got the message? I suspect it comes down to the fallout from feminist ideology: 1) to suggest that women may have different sex drives, on average, from men, is heresy because it implies that women are somehow inferior; and 2) sexual passion/expression/fulfillment is not a talent, but a RIGHT or entitlement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010

OK, maybe I overreacted. When you expressed how UNUSUAL you thought it was to have a consistently low interest in sex, what I heard was "weird, broken and freakish."

I don't remember the exact words either of us said because as I remember that conversation was awhile back. But I thought you said NO interest in sex, not LOW interest in sex. And I thought I said nobody had ever told me that before because they hadn't. That's all. I do think NO interest in sex would be an outlier, but that doesn't mean anything but an outlier, none

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

Thanks for your note. As a point of interest, the AVEN definition of asexuality has nothing to do with sex drive. This may sound paradoxical, but on closer scrutiny I think the AVEN definition makes perfect sense and is rather elegant: lack of sexual attraction. How do heterosexuals know they're NOT gay? How do homosexuals know they're NOT straight? Multiply this NOT by two and you have asexuality. Many asexuals have biological needs for sexual release and many masturbate. Some even fantasize. What they don't feel is sexually attracted toward other (real-life) individuals. They never think, "I'd like to do him" or "I'd like to take her from behind tonight" or "I can't wait to get my hands on those breasts."

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