Epilepsy & Low Sex Drive
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Epilepsy & Low Sex Drive
| Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:58am |
Hi there...
I've been dating someone for the past four months who has epilepsy. He hasn't had a seizure in 7 years but he has been on Dilantin for 17 years. He is way more sexually experienced than me. In fact he doesn't even know how many partners he's had...he figures 50-70. We have a great relationship, in fact he told me he loved me the other day which I was quite surprised about because he has a hard time getting close to people. I love him very much and would do anything for him. I'm finding it difficult though because he has a very low sex drive and virtually every time we have sex I initiate it. I'm really not used to this at all and it leaves me feeling rejected. I mean we've only had sex probably less than 10 times in four months and we've fooled around maybe another 5 times. I feel a bit sexually frustrated but really that's not it. I feel an emotional connection to him when we have sex so not having it really upsets me. I don't like feeling this way cause I know it's not his fault but I get upset about it and then I feel bad. The other thing is that I know he looks at porn on his computer sometimes. I don't think it's that frequent but I know it's more frequent than how often we've had sex. I only know this cause I've looked at his cookies...he only deletes his history not his cookies. We've talked about the lack of sex and he wants us to work on it together but we haven't really discussed how to do that. Obviously I don't want to bring up the porn cause it seems I'm being nosey...and I don't even really care but when he does that and then tells me he's just never interested in sex I find it a bit odd. He blames it on his medication, which I know is a side effect....I know his doctor basically said there wasn't anything he could do. He's not impotent or anything he just has a low sex drive. I've tried to make myself more attractive and I've even lost 20 lbs since we met....so now I feel more rejected. He says he wants to talk about it and he's not normally one to shy away from talking about things but then last night I asked if we could talk about it and he said he was too tired....then he ended up staying up until 2:30 playing Xbox. I don't really know what to do...I mean we haven't had sex in over 3 weeks and we see each other virtually every day. I try to initiate sex sometimes but he doesn't get hints and I'm not really good at just being forward with him, especially when it seems like sex is the last thing on his mind. He says it's not me, and he's attracted to me and I'm beautiful but I still feel so rejected.
I love him so much and I do want to work on it with him but I don't know how???
I've been dating someone for the past four months who has epilepsy. He hasn't had a seizure in 7 years but he has been on Dilantin for 17 years. He is way more sexually experienced than me. In fact he doesn't even know how many partners he's had...he figures 50-70. We have a great relationship, in fact he told me he loved me the other day which I was quite surprised about because he has a hard time getting close to people. I love him very much and would do anything for him. I'm finding it difficult though because he has a very low sex drive and virtually every time we have sex I initiate it. I'm really not used to this at all and it leaves me feeling rejected. I mean we've only had sex probably less than 10 times in four months and we've fooled around maybe another 5 times. I feel a bit sexually frustrated but really that's not it. I feel an emotional connection to him when we have sex so not having it really upsets me. I don't like feeling this way cause I know it's not his fault but I get upset about it and then I feel bad. The other thing is that I know he looks at porn on his computer sometimes. I don't think it's that frequent but I know it's more frequent than how often we've had sex. I only know this cause I've looked at his cookies...he only deletes his history not his cookies. We've talked about the lack of sex and he wants us to work on it together but we haven't really discussed how to do that. Obviously I don't want to bring up the porn cause it seems I'm being nosey...and I don't even really care but when he does that and then tells me he's just never interested in sex I find it a bit odd. He blames it on his medication, which I know is a side effect....I know his doctor basically said there wasn't anything he could do. He's not impotent or anything he just has a low sex drive. I've tried to make myself more attractive and I've even lost 20 lbs since we met....so now I feel more rejected. He says he wants to talk about it and he's not normally one to shy away from talking about things but then last night I asked if we could talk about it and he said he was too tired....then he ended up staying up until 2:30 playing Xbox. I don't really know what to do...I mean we haven't had sex in over 3 weeks and we see each other virtually every day. I try to initiate sex sometimes but he doesn't get hints and I'm not really good at just being forward with him, especially when it seems like sex is the last thing on his mind. He says it's not me, and he's attracted to me and I'm beautiful but I still feel so rejected.
I love him so much and I do want to work on it with him but I don't know how???
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Hi,
I'm an epileptic on Dilantin and have been through this. I noticed a big drop in my libido when I first started taking Dilantin 8 years ago, but over time my sex drive sort of came back. In the last year, my doctor put me on additional medication that has completely wiped out my sex drive. Even though I don't think about sex or have urges the way I used to, I still feel the need to masturbate, if for no other reason than to relieve stress. Even during lovemaking or masturbation, nothing feels good. Most of the times it hurts a little, but it almost never feels good. I only realize I'm about to have an orgasm the second before I climax. My husband feels rejected, I'm sure the same way you do when your boyfriend doesn't feel like making love. At least for me, I love my husband more than words can say and would love to be able to fill his desires without any complications, but the thought of sex does not even cross my mind. I wish I could give you an easy answer, but my husband and I are currently searching for the same easy answer.
My advice to you is to be as open and honest with him about your feelings, while at the same time respecting that he may not be able to change how his body reacts to medication. Be persistent, but understanding. Good luck.