Feeling Rejected

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Feeling Rejected
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 11:43pm
So I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years. In the beginning we were having sex all the time, and he was very in to me. I had a child, we both gained a little weight, well him a lot of weight, and I have been working to lose mine. We really stopped having sex when I got pregnant, and then even after the baby (who is now almost 2)it seems like it has been every 3 months or so. He is always at home around the same time, no strange phone calls, he doesn't even have a cell phone. He seems to be really committed to our family, but I have a HL and I can't stand having to wait for months. Even when I try to initiate, he will say "I am watching tv" or some excuse. Because I am pretty positive that he isn't cheating, I don't understand. I am very hurt, and I feel like I am just a disgusting pig to him, but what is funny, he has gained 60lbs and I still find him attractive. Please give your advice, as it is ruining our relationship, and he doesn't like to talk about the S word.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 9:12am

Well you might have two things contributing to the issue.

Depending on his body frame and stamina, his gaining 60 lbs could be taking away his sexual energy. He feels he just can't muster up enough energy to have sex. It could also be effecting how he views himself and his body image. He might feel he is good enough for you.

The other thing might be a variation of the madonna-whore complex. You said the sex basically stopped when you got pregnant. Seems likes he sees you in a completely different light now. He doesn't see you as a sexual being any more. He only sees you as the mother of his child. Someone he shouldn't be having sex with as mothers don't/shouldn't do things like that. They are too good for sex. He might need therapy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 8:35pm

I disagree with that post somewhat.
Hubby works 2pm to midnight. COmes home and gets on computer and watches tv until almost 5am. I HATE IT!! I have talked and talked, begged, pleaded, etc. There is no sex life but maybe once every other month and that itself is like a chore for him the whole 3 minutes we do anything. What is so wrong about wanting your husband to go to bed when you do? I didn't say I would jump him....isn't that just what people do?

When we do talk he says its stress and he has no libido with stress. OMG, people are stressed all thier lives. Some things are too much or too big to just make go away.

I told him I would help him with things and have been to ease the stress. He acts less stressed but no sex life still. So I talk again, calmly and I just get an answer now of " I don't know". Don't know whats wrong, and doesn't know why he has no libido. Dr. has even helped and stilll nothing.

Am I going nuts or what do I do? It makes me wanna throw the towel in.

I totally feel your pain. After a day being a mommy you want to be reminded your sexy.

I am in the same boat and thinking MEN anymore have the sex flu! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 10:19pm

"I disagree with that post somewhat."

I assume my post to the original poster you're disagreeing with? :-) There are just so many variations to all this that her husband cause could be completely different from your husband, even though they seem similar.

"I totally feel your pain. After a day being a mommy you want to be reminded your sexy."

Now I find this comment real interesting. I comments that I have seen from various moms posting here and in other forums is that "they don't want to be touched at all", hence they turn their husbands down a lot. That or they want sleep.