Goodbye to all that

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Goodbye to all that
35
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 2:20pm

This is a word of freedom sent back from the other side.


As my long marriage to the love of my life dwindles in the rear view mirror, I'm emerging from the shock of the ugly way it ended and finally finding moments of peace & acceptance now and then. One moment of delight is the recovered sense of physical autonomy. No longer will I be pestered by rawness, semen oozing out into my clothing as I go about my day, sore breasts and nipples, frequent UTIs, or nagging worries about contracting disease from the stbx (who as it turned out was cheating on me on the q.t.) No longer will stbx's hygeine challenges be my unpleasant reality to deal with, in the closest possible proximity.


I was a good sport and put up a good front as a facsimile of a sexual being for a very long time (30 years). I did what my bfs and stbx expected of me because that was the "normal" thing to do, and because they seemed to enjoy it so much. It was my gift to them and my pleasure at the time to ride out the pointless tedium of that frankly ridiculous pastime, sex,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 2:26pm

Good for you. I'm glad you got relief at the end, even if the way it was delivered was difficult.

I think this post is very illuminating, in that it shows that the HL is doing not only themselves a disservice, but also the LL by continuing a relationship that isn't working for either of them.

I'm a little jealous, in a way....just a little though.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 2:50pm

Wow, the way you describe sex is how I view getting my teeth cleaned.


Of so, I'm truly happy for you because I can hardly tolerate

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 2:55pm

I wish people were encouraged to be who they are and discover the truth about themselves. In previous generations, it was frowned on for women to be sexual. One was supposed to "close one's eyes and think of England" to get through marital duties. Now the tables have turned and it's the not-so-sexual women who are

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 3:07pm

True story: I enjoy getting my teeth cleaned and freqently drift away in the chair, I am so relaxed. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 3:23pm

I'm really happy you've been able to come to this awareness of your asexuality. I think it will save you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 4:00pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 4:04pm

I can relate to SO much of what you say. Your descriptions of sex from the LL/asexual's point of view are particularly amusing. I wish you nothing but the best in your new life and hope you'll drop by the board to let us know how you're doing.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 4:10pm

I'm not averse to sex in any of its more common variations (bum etc.), I'm just indifferent...and after several decades of doing what other people want to please them, I'm just bored and done with the whole thing. To me, that feels like a natural progression, and I'm relieved to close that chapter.


I've always been un-sexual, so there's been no epiphany. I've always been upfront about who I am, as well. The men in my life never seemed particularly bothered when I explained how I was. They got a hot, beautiful girl who did whatever they liked...plus they had no worries about pleasing me sexually...a pretty good deal.


Your question's not nosy, considering how much we all reveal here. The answer is that I've always been aware that I'm not a sexual being. That never seemed relevant to my having children. I used to not want children, but then I fell in love and wanted to start a family.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 4:43pm
So glad to hear that you have found peace within yourself.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 11:04am

Ha, that reminds me of the Steve Martin/Bill Murray

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