He doesn't know we're mismatched

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
He doesn't know we're mismatched
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 11:33pm

We don't communicate very well about sex (and I'm shy), but every few months I get up the nerve to have another talk with him about how I'm unsatisfied with the lack of intimacy in our relationship. Because it's difficult for me to talk about (without getting emotional), it gets played into this whole big thing. And I think having "the talk" is so unpleasant for him that he just blocks it out in his memory! Because his behavior toward sex doesn't change in the months after I tell him it bothers me; he acts like there's no problem. Is he tuning me out because he doesn't want to hear it again? Or does he know exactly what I mean but my bringing it up makes him feel really pressured or stressed about it so he will continue to avoid sex?

I wish I knew a way to have a more open communication about this, and without making it seem like a really big deal that puts too much pressure on him? It's been 4-5 months since we last discussed it and it "wasn't a good time" for him to talk about it (is it ever?), so I'd like to bring it up to him again that this is still an issue. Not sure how to confront it this time. I think the problem is I'm embarrassed discussing it and I put too much of the blame on him, so he just feels bad but I don't give him any concrete ways he can fix it. Want to suggest having a "signal" but I feel silly being the one to come up with it; I wish he would propose that solution (then he's more likely to remember what it is!)!