HE has the low sex drive - what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
HE has the low sex drive - what to do?
25
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 8:49pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. To me, it seems out of the ordinary that he has such a low sex drive - I thought guys were the ones who stereotypically wanted to be intimate more often - I suppose not. We've discussed the topic several times and he says he loves me and finds me very attractive, but amongst everything he could share/do with me, he says that sex/oral sex/etc. is the last thing he would chose. Don't get me wrong - he's very affectionate (lots of hugs, kisses, hand holding, etc.). But, why does he not want to be intimate? We have sex once, maybe twice a month. And while I am glad he values me for more than my genitals, it makes me feel sometimes as if I am not desirable. While I doubt there is anything I can do to change his feelings/actions, is there any way I can cope with this better? Any advice/similar experiences/etc. would be appreciated because I am really frustrated and not sure what to do........

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 10:10pm

Not all men are HL the same as not all women are LL, that's just gender stereotyping and it's BS.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 11:24pm

"While I doubt there is anything I can do to change his feelings/actions, is there any way I can cope with this better?"


Well you really can't change who you are any more than he can change who he is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 11:31pm

I love him for who he is and I honestly do think it is something I can deal with. I guess I just was wondering if there's some way to view it differently because as it is now, I am processing it more as a reflection on myself and my desirability.

Or, are there other suggestions for ways to liven up the relationship in place of the sex aspect?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 8:49am
" I love him for who he is and I honestly do think it is something I can deal with. I guess I just was wondering if there's some way to view it differently because as it is now, I am processing it more as a reflection on myself and my desirability.

Or, are there other suggestions for ways to liven up the relationship in place of the sex aspect?
"


Honestly, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 10:43am

You haven't said whether you are unhappy or not, just that you question your desirability.


How unhappy are you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2009
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 11:32am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 11:57am
As to if I am unhappy - at times, yes, and at times, no. I mean, it comes in waves.....When we do share that intimate part of ourselves, it is passionate, intense, and genuine. I'm a busy person - as is he - so there are a lot of times when I don't think about it. But then there are times where I try and it just doesn't take....and if it happens a few times in a row, that's when it really starts to get to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 12:22pm

I do think it's possibe to "work on yourself" so that you learn not to take the times you are turned down personally. The sucess of this approach depends on the severity of the mismatch and if there are other things you share that make you feel exclusive and close to oneanother.


It doesn't sound like you are ready to give up yet, and that's ok. A year and a half into a relationship is when a lot of people naturally question their long term compatabilty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 12:27pm
I am deeply in love with him - and in all honesty, this is the only aspect of the relationship that I am having a problem with. And while it is important, I know realize there are other aspects which are much more important in a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 2:18pm

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