He won't talk dirty

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
He won't talk dirty
16
Tue, 01-22-2008 - 10:14pm

Hello! I am new here and am in the same boat, I have LL, I guess. Prior to DH I had a BF who would talk dirty to me and I couldn't get enough. DH hates to talk, hates to do anything but a few kisses and right down to business. I can't do this and really hate it, don't want to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 8:53am

Welcome Andrea.


My heart goes out to you.


I suspect you are

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:11am
Thanks! I was afraid to do any investigating without running into crazy pornish stuff- not into strong stuff just want some romance. I don't know why he can't do this but as it is being brought up as my inabilities perhaps you are right and I need to take care of this too. I will check out the websites. I appreciate your respectful insight and best wishes to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 10:03am

<>

I'm not sure what you mean by physiological problem, but my considered opinion is that it's much more likely a question of neural circuitry than some kind of disturbance in physiological milieu. Look at it this way: if a guy were fondling you, kissing you passionately, putting all the moves on you, etc., you might not respond at all (if you're like many straight men). The physical contact would be EXACTLY the same as if a hot women were doing these things to you, but your "neural interpretation" would be much different. I believe some people (for whatever reason) have developed wiring that inhibits or severely limits the arousal response whether it's a hot babe or hot guy trying to turn them on.

I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with my nerve endings or with my hormones. It's at the central-nervous-system level that the disconnect occurs.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 11:16am

I'm not sure what you mean by physiological problem, but my considered opinion is that it's much more likely a question of neural circuitry than some kind of disturbance in physiological milieu.


We're trying to say similar things, but I don't think I'm saying it very well or correctly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 1:10pm

<

As someone who personally experiences that disconnect, I prefer the terms "wiring" or "sexual circuitry," which tap into the idea of unique sexual fingerprints. I think the very same mysterious processes that explain why some people are turned on by being roughed up, others by being babied, others by being bad, explains why some people have trouble getting turned on at all. When people say they're turned on by a certain (nongenital) touch, I believe they're actually getting aroused by their INTERPRETATION of that touch (but may not realize it because the touch/arousal response is experienced as automatic and instantaneous). I think the example I provided in my previous post (same touch, different responses depending on gender of toucher) illustrates this point quite well.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 1:30pm

unique sexual fingerprints.


That sounds like a good term for it. No two people like it exactly the same way.


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 2:38pm

"unique sexual fingerprints."


I don't know why, but seeing that phrase isolated like that sounds like "dirty talk" to me :-)


What's that thing you said about "deprivation leads to preoccupation"? :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:39pm
I wish I had some advice, but I wanted to say I know how you feel.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 10:26pm

Glad I am not the only one feeling this, I thought I was crazy, so that helps! I feel like since I am the one who takes care of everyone (including him) I want someone to pamper or give me special attention, how amazing I am, whatever. I get pawed at by the kids, don't need more, and he's the only one I want to give me those sorts of 'love talk' intimate times, so why won't he? It makes me forget the extra pudge, the baby blurp in my hair :) He tells me he would do anything but it's like he doesn't belive me or just want's it his way. I can't turn into a wild woman with him standing there staring at me while I watch TV (especially 2 seconds after I just put the kids down). I mean if he wanted an affair he couldn't just walk up to a girl and wordlessly nod his head and she starts panting and jumps him, he'd have to talk to her and pay compliments right? Or maybe not, I haven't been in a bar lately!

Thanks!!!! BTW, CUTE kids!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:39pm
Thanks for the compliment.
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