How I fixed my "LL" problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
How I fixed my "LL" problem
28
Mon, 07-06-2009 - 7:10am

I used to lurk on this board and just couldn't admit to myself that I could be LL. Our sex life was always about once a month reluctantly from me. Yet, how could I be LL?


If I think back to my teen years or early 20's, there is no way I'd call myself LL. If I were back there, sex would be the number one thing on my mind. Imagining myself dressed in a short skirt or tight jeans, meeting a guy at a party. I would sure want to sneak behind the barn and get it on, asap. However then I was worried about STDs, pregnancies, my parents, the guy, my friends, etc. I don't have those issues today so why the change?


Well, unlike those days, I'm not around young sexy bods most of the day. The men I do see around are dressed for work and have mature bodies. Me and my friends are

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 12:49am

My libido has been up and down.

Camperchik

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 1:16am

First of all, congrats!

I have recently (in the past few months) begun to turn my LL issues around and it's been so great!

I had trouble getting into that "sexy" frame of mind too. Lately I've started losing some weight (you'd be amazed at what as little as 5 lbs can do for my confidence!). Plus I've been reading sexy stories over on the fantasies board here on ivillage to help get "in the mood". You're right, dressing in a way that makes you feel sexy and desirable really helps change your mindset. Also immersing yourself (at last every once in a while) in sexual thought can help so much!

<>

Yes, but then again I was married at 19, so I was easily excited, but by my husband lol.

I got married at 19, was pregnant the week before I turned 20, and during my pregnancy my libido took a horrible nosedive. It really hasn't returned in a significant sense until this year (I'm 24 now). Before it would speed up and slow down, which would drive both me and dh nuts. It was a mix of things: feeling fat, being tired from having a young child and working full-time, and being in pain (for some reason I had a lot of pain after my pregnancy, and that has never completely gone away, unfortunately). I also had a... let's suffice it to say, a very disturbing, unwanted sexual encounter when I was extremely pregnant, which caused some psychological issues for me during times of intimacy that I've had to work extremely hard to overcome. Panic attacks were frequent during subsequent intimate encounters... talk about a turn-off. This lasted a few years, intermittently, I'm sad to say. The last one was months and months ago, though, so yay for me :)

Despite of all that, I agree 100% that the key to our happiness is in our (the LL's) hands! I think that (based on HL poster's thoughts on here) any effort on our (the LL's) parts will be much appreciated and not go unnoticed. Trying to initiate sex, if you never do, will really make your spouse's day. Trying to have sex once or twice more a month (or a week!) is a good start too. It's not a secret that LL's often do not feel sexy. Find a way to make yourself feel sexy! Shave your legs (if you're a woman :D) find some nice-fitting clothes, paint your nails, read a sexy story (or if you're feeling daring, watch a dirty movie!!), or just let yourself fantasize about encounters you had (or wish you had!) when you were in your younger years :)

Good luck everyone, and congratulations again, queenrani! If you and I can do it, maybe others will take initiative and work on it too :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 9:16am

I just want to add that now I'm the one to initiate any sex. It's better for us this way. He always gets a willing partner and doesn't have to feel rejected. I don't have to feel like I'm ever doing anything unless it's my idea.


I love your princess, funshinegirl. All those other things you mentioned, do your nails, wear clothes that make you feel pretty etc. are absolutely necessary. It takes time but it's worth it. And keep looking for erotica/love stories that turn you on. Men get turned on by visuals, we get turned on by conversations/stories.


I sometimes think about groupies at the end of a rock concert and imagine them saying, gee, I don't know. I'm kind of tired and there's this book I'm almost finished...


Well they don't. Rock music, pulsing lights and gyrating rock stars, gets their engine started. Find what gets your motor going and enjoy. There's really only some things people can enjoy anyway. Good food, good sex (it's available and won't make us fat).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 4:24pm

Despite of all that, I agree 100% that the key to our happiness is in our (the LL's) hands!


Well said. And the corollary is also true: the key to HL's happines is in our (the HL's) hands as well. I don't mean that as a pun about masturbation. Well, maybe not. I mean that how we respond to ML can make us miserable or can make us placid and accepting of the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2009
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 7:29pm

If you gals like the steamy fantasy stories, you should totally go for


an Author named Linda Howard. Her books are SO amazing, alot of


mystery, But with the STEAMIEST sex scenes EVER thrown into the


mix!! I love reading her books, and sometimes I read the good parts


to DH, especially when she talks about the man's Shaft..lol.. It cracks


me up everytime, and all her books are excellent. ;);)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 07-07-2009 - 10:03pm

<>

No. When I was 19-20 I had even less interest in sex than I do now. I was not excited in the least by the opposite sex (or by the same sex). I desperately wanted to want sex, but didn't actually want it.

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 12:55am
Those books sound good :) I'll have to check them out, thanks for the suggestion!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 1:21am

No Problem Fun, The first one I ever read was "Mr. Perfect, and it totally


got me hooked.. ;) ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 1:47am

I'll check it out :D

How are the covers? Are they Harlequin-caliber... as in, could I discreetly read on at work without getting strange looks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 2:11pm

Absolutely. They are Mystery books, so the covers aren't cheesy at all..lol.. There are all different kinds, she has alot of Old Westerns books, which I didn't think I would like. Set back in the 1800's but they are really good. I have reads quite a few more than once ;) They are always about strong women, and they always fall for the really tough guys. And she has So many books..

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