How we deal with mismatched sex drive

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Registered: 01-19-2011
How we deal with mismatched sex drive
66
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:00am

I've had a strong sex drive since puberty that continues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 02-10-2011 - 8:23pm

...I'm not commenting about OC or her situation anymore, but she's written quite a few posts about her marriage and her husband's behaviors...

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Registered: 10-31-2009
Thu, 02-10-2011 - 7:26pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 11:11am
>>So what people are advocating is to dial back the zeal and the certainty. By looking at truth from a different viewpoint, we may discover that we are not so zealous and not so certain. This reduces the likelihood of alienating others.<<

Nicely said, MST..the whole post..not just this part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 6:00pm

The same style of discourse that can be admired when discussing politics and culture--particularly in a university setting--can seem cold, condemning and unfriendly when discussing interpersonal relationships. For example: it's one thing to discuss the creepiness of

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 1:37am
magnaniman wrote:
It sounds like maybe you both chose appropriate partners at the time but outgrew each other. The moral strength and firm belief system that you exhibit may have served him well at that point in his life; and, it also may have made it difficult for him to express his dissatisfaction and unhappiness later on.

Or he could just be a manic-depressive, lying, cheating scumbag. In that case, you did not choose so wisely. ;)

Yeah, maybe. It's all over now anyway.

The kids are actually brightening up somewhat. What happened to them sucks for sure, and they hated it, but what's done is done. Lately, I can feel them getting cheerier and looking around with a bit more optimism. ds is stoked that a Krav Maga studio opened in our town, and now he can't wait to

Avatar for holdingontoit
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Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 3:04pm
>>>>> guess maybe it was OK with him--more than OK, he was delighted--that I had high standards and a strong sense of moral clarity, until his secret fooling around started...whenever that was...and it dawned on him that he was on extremely shaky ground, morally. I can see now why he decided to keep schtum. <<<<<

Yes, I can see how that might have worked. Very happy to have a wife with high standards and moral clarity. That way he can be confident she won't cheat on him. But he cannot bring his sexual thoughts and feelings to her, because she wouldn't understand. Not saying that is true. But I can see how he would believe it.

Or maybe he had mad0nna-wh0re syndrome. Maybe he felt that talking about sex is dirty and evil and wrong. So he cannot do that with his saintly wife. Instead, he does it with lying cheating women who are being unfaithful to their husbands (of course, he is blind to his own hypocricy). Which justifies why he treats them so poorly. They deserve it.

Or, as magna said, maybe he is just a selfish lying bag of pond scum.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 1:07pm
It sounds like maybe you both chose appropriate partners at the time but outgrew each other. The moral strength and firm belief system that you exhibit may have served him well at that point in his life; and, it also may have made it difficult for him to express his dissatisfaction and unhappiness later on.

Or he could just be a manic-depressive, lying, cheating scumbag. In that case, you did not choose so wisely. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 12:53pm
holdingontoit wrote:

>>>>> I don't see anything wrong in having strong opinions and expressing them firmly. <<<<<

Let me suggest one possible downside to that behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 12:42pm
magnaniman wrote:

Opinions and biases are not the same thing. You can have opinions based on facts and reason on one end of the spectrum or fear and ideology on the other.

You come across as being very defensive and unable to imagine -- much less accept -- that your ideas are not universally shared. You don't seem to readily accept that there is value in others' opinions and experiences that may help you understand your own experiences. You seem to only be seeking validation for what you've already decided the world is like instead of trying to see the world through others' eyes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 12:31pm
zejayge wrote:

...look, the more you respond, the more it's out there (it being the totally one sided way of looking at things)...so, I'm going to leave you to it...but, it's not just me...so, for whatever it's worth...it just might be (nothing definite here) worth it to look into some counseling geared toward letting your past go...along with your total negative, one sided view on things...if for no other reason than you are a parent...by the way...you did name call...jerks, creepy...are two that come to mind...we're not the first to tell you that you're biased and that you might be better served by letting it go(my opinion, of course)...it's unhealthy...taking a stand is one thing...taking a constant "I'm right and only those that agree with me are on my team" while having a list of categories that idea applies to will alienate you and while you'll be tempted to tell yourself over and over again that those you disagree with aren't worth having in your life anyway, you might end up alone in more ways than one...no one would suggest that you open your heart or mind to your exhusband, just to the possiblity that maybe he tried hard too...maybe he felt the bias...maybe he thought he could do nothing right or right enough...maybe he felt that coming to you and tallking to you would result in a total brick wall of "you are wrong"...maybe he knew that to not love you or be with you in a marriage would result in the alienation of his children...maybe he feels it now and has decided that he will wait until they are adults...no longer under your roof and he'll try to repair the damage he's done...the professional in me is asking you to consider allowing him to do that without trying to influence your children one way or the other (make no mistake, you do influence your children...my opinion, of course)...good luck to you...

You're a "professional" what at the moment? What exactly are your qualifications to string together a bunch of "maybes" that are remarkably off base? If anything, your assumptions seem to be unconsciously based

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