How we deal with mismatched sex drive

Avatar for annie66
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2011
How we deal with mismatched sex drive
66
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:00am

I've had a strong sex drive since puberty that continues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:08am

...I am also married to an older man...he's 64, I am 45...while his libido is strong and his ability great right now, we have discussed what would happen if he should lose his ability...he's very sexual and has a mouth and hands that work very well...so, we've come up with a plan that would cover that...have the two of you discussed using other means that than intercourse?...or, do you require intercourse to feel satisfied?...sorry for being nosy, just curious as to why you added a partner into the mix...(which I don't have a judgement on one way or the either...a very personal decision...)...

Avatar for annie66
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2011
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:26am

As I said, I wouldn't suggest that anyone handle this as we have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 2:59pm

<>

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 4:13pm
>>I, for one, don't think it is immoral at all as long as both parties agree to it. On the contrary, I think it is a sane, reality-based solution to a difficult problem. If you have good reasons for wanting to stay in the marriage (which I assume you do), then kudos to you for thinking outside the box.<<

I agree FLM. I think that sometimes the best solutions come from "outside the box." As long as it is a solution that everyone involved can accept and make peace with, who cares what other people might think? What people do behind closed doors is no one else's business.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 6:52am

I guess I am on the other side as my wife of 25 years has lost interest. We talked about the open stuff about a year ago and just talking was a disaster. Its been 5 years now without sex. I have developed some coping skills and hope to get laid at least one more time before I die.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 9:10am
Geekman,

I don't know what you mean by "disaster" but if she won't consider it, you have to find out why. If she doesn't want sex and she doesn't want you to sleep with someone else, does she have an alternative in mind? Sometimes it takes a LOT of discussion before you get to "open." It's not easy to agree to. It goes against everything we are raised to believe about love and marriage. Just about everyone is resistant to it at first, but once you find out what the real objections are, there are often ways around them.

I would like to recommend the book "The Ethical Slut" for lots of good information about open relationships. It especially deals with the emotional aspects.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 12:49pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 7:16pm

I appreciate the support. I don't chime in too often because I feel alot of discussion is one sided. Right now for me an open relationship is a deal breaker. In the sense through the counseling

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 12:33pm

<< When looking at the entirety of nature there are very few species that practice "pure" monogamy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 3:29pm

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