I am a LL guy
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|Sat, 08-29-2009 - 8:49pm|
I figure I might as well post here since I was doing some searching around and stumbled upon this site. I think I qualify as LL, but please read on.
I am in my very early 20's and have a low libido. I find sex to be very stressful and full of pressure. Imagine my perspective a little. Society seems to typecast males as the overly sexual ones; initiating sexual encounters, being more active during them, being more dominant, and even finishing the encounters with their orgasm.
Anyway, I am actively interested in women. I find sex to be very stressful and it often results in really long encounters without me getting off or really enjoying it. I'm okay with this but girls seem let down. Other times, it can last a while and my disinterest and stress just makes me go soft. Often it'll involve cycles of being hard, then going soft, then repeating. I love masturbating women and pleasuring them in other ways when this happens and I am able to sustain an erection when masturbating so I don't think this is normal ED, just plain disinterest in sex. It feels very mechanical to me. It doesn't "feel good". Condoms or no condoms. On top or on the bottom. Any rhythm. Any partner.
I do masturbate to porn. Most of the porn I like to watch is "real" videos of couples or lighthearted handjob videos or that kind of stuff. Industry produced porn does nothing for me. I am attracted to women and not men, in case people think my sexuality is in question. My blood will race when I see cleavage or a nice body or whatever and I will get erect. This is only about sex.
Anyway, I've been seeing this girl and I'm crazy about her. I love every moment with her. I love going on trips and to beaches and doing things for her. She's very sexual and I just have this sinking feeling that things aren't going to work because of my problem. I wish I could get my sadness across. I can't change how I am. I can't suddenly "be into" sex. Maybe this is a psychological problem but it doesn't seem easily or cheaply fixed. I'm young and can't afford a psychiatrist or counselor.
I have had a number of sexual encounters that made me hate myself for not being able to maintain an erection or finish. Even if my partner is supportive, says she doesn't care, or whatever. The underlying expectations are so high. Why is every other guy able to have a normal, fully erect, half hour sexual encounter? And yet it remains so hard (pun not intended) for me?
I have this sinking feeling that I'll never be able to maintain a relationship. I am a very loving, intelligent, passionate, and attractive person. I just have this curse and it's ruining my life. I just want to please people and make them happy. I don't care that I'm not enjoying sex even. It'd be nice to. But I just want my partners to be able to.
Sorry this is so confessional. I've never talked to anyone about this so openly.