I don't think this is normal

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
I don't think this is normal
16
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 2:49pm

Reposting this from Sexual Health:

I feel very unusual amongst my friends. They keep talking about how great sex is. I have had sex before, but I don't see what the big deal is. It doesn't feel good. I was expecting it to be painful the first couple times because I was told it might. Even after that, however, it just doesn't feel good. There is no pleasure to it. I was told it's not being done right. I have tried different positions, more foreplay, less foreplay...no matter what I do, it just does not feel good. It's not bad, just not pleasurable. I don't enjoy it. It feels like a chore that I have tried making better by changing up how I do it, but in the end, it's still a chore. Please tell me I'm not alone.

***LilyTigerfly***

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 7:11am

I wouldn't want to put anyone off a chance of happiness and love in a relationship - and when you're in love and committed, you can move mountains.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 5:29am

""Sex was a chore, yes, but only in the sense that nursing my babies or tucking them in at night was a chore. These were services I performed out of love and devotion. All these services to my family, and many more, were chores because they had to be done; however, these chores were a pleasure to perform because they were a way for me to show unconditional love.""

..absolutely...me too...much the same that my husband considers it a chore to bring in firewood and keep it stocked (I love a fire in the fireplace...I know, terrible for the environment...one of my last blatant abuses of our earth)...or, talking a walk with me when he'd rather ride his bike...chores...but, done lovingly...with a pleasure derived because of the pleasure the chore brings for a loved one...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 9:39pm

Hi lilytigerfly,


I am very much like you. I had and have no libido at all. In my teens and early twenties, I was sure I would never marry or have children. It just didn't appeal to me at all. Then I fell in love and my attitude changed. My libido never actually existed, but that didn't matter anymore when I found a man who knew everything about me and loved me just as I was.


Sex was a chore, yes, but only in the sense that nursing my babies or tucking

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 9:17pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 11:37am

<>

I've always been able to orgasm from mechanical stimulation alone. Until a few years ago, I never fantasized when masturbating. I could be reading about economic indicators in the third world and I'd still orgasm after a certain amount of time and friction (in the right spot). At a certain point I would drop my book and focus on the mounting physical sensations. Now I usually fantasize, but the arousal from the fantasy is very weak and hastens the journey to orgasm by just a little bit.

Freelance




Edited 8/29/2010 11:40 am ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 11:22am

OK, I think with your clarification that you are single and intend to stay that way and have no desire for kids, there's less of an issue (although I've heard people say that when younger, and now have 4 kids...).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 10:46am
May I add one thing on this topic: I am single by choice. I have no desire to enter into any kind of long-term relationship. I don't want kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them. I have plenty of nieces and nephews that I adore. They're just not for me. My family thinks I'm wrong for my decision, but I know it's wrong for me to do what I don't feel is right.
***LilyTigerfly***
***LilyTigerfly***
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 10:42am

Thank you for your input. It's nice knowing there are others who don't enjoy sex, even though we're supposed to.

One difference between us that I've noticed, just from your post: how are you able to orgasm if you're not turned on/aroused? I have never been able to, no matter what I try, and I have been told it's because I'm not aroused. Even with lots of physical stimulation, nothing happens.

***LilyTigerfly***
***LilyTigerfly***
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 10:35am

"It concerns me that you are already talking about sex as a chore, even if it's not specifically unpleasant."

Why is this a concern? I don't mean to come across as rude, so please don't take it that way. I am merely curious as to why you see it as a concern.

***LilyTigerfly***
***LilyTigerfly***
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 5:17am

Oh, I think it's quite understandable one might think it a chore in the circumstances.


The issue I have here is the one I think we all want to avoid: knowingly entering into a long-term relationship, maybe

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