I don't understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2009
I don't understand
49
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 10:23pm
I'm new here, but I've read a bunch of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 10:51pm
I'm new here, but I've read a bunch of
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2009
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 10:52pm
that's already been offered to the HL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2009
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 10:54pm
you know, I just don't understand why it should be considered important at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 11:12pm

I think it's hard on both, the LL and the HL to understand each other.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 11:31pm
Well, I think if you read a few more posts, you would realize that most of the people here realize it is not about one group of people being right and the other being wrong. It is about what BOTH partners in a relationship need to feel connected and cared for. For most of us HLs, sex with our partner is more than just "handling it". I understand that you do not feel an emotional connection through sex, and that is normal, for YOU. For me, and a lot of other posters, that is NOT normal. We feel a connection with our partner when we have sex with them that we do not get any other way. Again, neither is right, neither is bad. It is just a personal difference. The challenge is finding the balance within our own relationships that work for us.
You stated that having sex is a lot of work on the part of the LL. That may be true, but relationships are work, in and out of the bedroom. If your partners needs, sexual or otherwise, are not being met, it will have a negative effect on your relationship. I would reference the recent post My Boyfriend Killed my Libido. There are a lot of posters here that have reached a place in our relationship where we realize that our partners are not interested in, or not able to, meeting our sexuality needs, and it is affecting us in the other areas of our relationships with our partners. This isnt' something that should be dismissed with a "Take care of it yourself." That may be an okay temporary solution, but it is just burying an issue that will surface in another way.
Angela
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 7:04am
...quick question...what is the most important part of the relationship that you have with your partner?...outside of the peripherals...such as children/future/financial/societal norms/family expectations/religious teachings...what is it between you and your partner that makes you feel most like 'the two of you'...?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 7:59am

you know, I just don't understand why it should be considered important at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 11:31am

>>I don't get it. Why is ok and expected for HL to want sex (which >>requires much more work on the part of the LL), but it doesn't >>seem to be ok for the LL to NOT want to have sex. As far as I'm >>concerned can't you just ...handle it yourself? why do you need >>someone else to do that for you?

I think if you have read these posts you will find that in many cases the LL did change. Went from HL to LL, there in you'll find where the problems begin.

Were you LL from the beginning? Did you let you SO know this? If so you have a very valid point.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 12:00pm
Great question. What you describe as a need to have "someone else to do it for you" I (and some other HL's) describe as
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 2:53pm

I can't speak for everyone, but in a relationship, especiall a marriage.. my goal is not just to orgasm. The intimacy, both emotional, physical, and for some spiritual involved cannot be replaced by "taking care of yourself".

There are certain times where, for me, its just.. a needed release, or sress relief. But more ofthen than not, I want to share myself with my wife, show her passion, intimacy, trust, desire, and feel those feelings and wants and gift given to me.

It is so much more than a climax.

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