I feel like I am married to a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
I feel like I am married to a friend
5
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 10:46pm
We've been married almost 10 years, and I have had the same problem from the beginning. I guess I always just thought things would change or merge into the direction I needed.
I feel like he doesnt love me, as if he has just settled for me, because we do get along, have the same interests and goals for the most part. We are just friends. He doesnt communicate at all, not willing to go to counseling. He doesnt want a divorce, but doesnt want to make any effort really. We do not have sex, maybe 2 times this year. We do not have any fun. There is no passion, no connection other than a friendship, which is a pretty weak friendship lately. I have been sleeping in the spare room now for months, it is just too painful to sleep next to him. I miss the things that i need, I just dont know how i can live the rest of my life like this. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to have an affair, but i am sure a candidate for it. Its not an option.
He does have low testosterone levels and is currently on medication. That probably is a factor, but i just feel that there is more to this. I need to know if he loves me as a woman and need to get him to express this somehow. I need some fun and exitement in my life. When I bring things up, he says "well you knew that this was the way I was when we got married". There is just no effort. I need some help. I am so confused, so sick about this. I probably am not making any sense. If someone can make any sense out of it and has any ideas, please let me know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 12:03am

"We've been married almost 10 years, and I have had the same problem from the beginning. I guess I always just thought things would change or merge into the direction I needed."


"He doesnt communicate at all, not willing to go to counseling. He doesnt want a divorce, but doesnt want to make any effort really. "


Basically it says it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 6:00am
...I agree...10 years is long enough to hear and see what a partner is telling us..if we listen and we don't like what we hear, we should move on...otherwise we cause our own unhappiness...and, we don't have a lot of room to complain...unless to ourselves about our own choices...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2009
Fri, 02-26-2010 - 6:07pm

I have the beginnings of this same situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 10:55pm

Stargazer2009,


Your post sounds so much like my own situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:47am
I too agree. For some this would be a happy situation but it is not for you. Some people want life with passion others don't.

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