i have low libido issues...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
i have low libido issues...
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 5:20pm

Hi, I'm new on this board... just wanted to put some ideas out there and get some new perspectives. My BF and I are both 29, both fairly inexperienced in bed, both were single for at least a year before we got together. I'm the one with low libido, for several reasons: was on antidepressants for awhile but stopped this past winter. I saw somebody on this board mention birth control pills as a potential libido-killer - I'm on that too. I get yeast infections and/or UTIs at least once a year, which has made me very conscious of activity down there. While in college I caught herpes, and it's been a source of shame and anxiety for me ever since. Also, while my BF is blessed with a large penis, he's somewhat lacking in technique and it hurts me if we don't use plenty of lube (which we low libido girls tend to lack anyway).

So I'm just wondering if any of you have had success in dealing with any of these issues. I love him and want this relationship to work out, but not sure how we can improve the problematic sex. I guess therapy is the next logical step.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 6:15pm

Hi Zucchini Girl:

I have a couple of ideas for you. First of all, I am your same age and also tend to get yeast infections and/or UTI. According to my Ob/Gyn you should make sure to urinate after sex (helps with UTI) and make sure to clean up well after sex. Having clean dry panties discourages at least the external parts of yeast infection. I have not noticed a difference in the number of infections b/w the time of my divorce (no sex) and my second marriage (~3x per week), so try not to worry too much about that.

Absolutely keep up with the lubricants, I sampled several before finding one that me and DH really like. Also, lot of manual stimulation during foreplay can help to get you prepared to accommodate your BFs large size. Your body will become acclimated to your partner, so some of this may diminish as well.

Since you and your BF are relatively inexperienced, try to communicate about your likes as well. I have yet to meet the man who doesn't like it when his woman says "honey, it feels just incredible when you..." or during foreplay/IC "OMG that feels good!" when he does something you particularly like. Even those of us with a bit more experience have to take the time to get to know our partner's desires.

You may always be the LL in your relationship (I am) but with a caring partner and a positive attitude, it can be extremely enjoyable.

GL and keep us posted,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:31am

Kristi, thanks for the tips!

That whole "cleaning up after sex" thing is a real buzz-kill, but I'm coming to realize that it's just part of the drill. UTIs suck!

I'm beginning to think that my arousal problem is partly to do with everything I listed, and partly because there's a lack of sexual chemistry between me & the BF. See, I used to really like sex before we got together, and then his clumsiness/my LL got to feeding each other, and I all but stopped wanting it. I do love him and want this to work out, but I'm starting to wonder if I should have to work so hard at something that used to come naturally?

I just need to figure out how much of this is me and how much is us.