I have a low sex drive, or really no sex drive

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
I have a low sex drive, or really no sex drive
37
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 3:22pm

In my 20's I really had no interest in having sex with my husband, it was not about his performance, it was me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 10:25pm

Your advice has no relevance to my post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 10:27pm

My husband and I have talked and are working on this, I was at a very low point when I posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 4:03am

Great that things are looking up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 6:01am

Replying to the overall tone of this support forum. On one hand the partenr with a low sex drive should show care and supoort emotional and sexual needs of their partenr and on the other hand, sex that is offered without desire attached is the worst possible sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 7:50am

sex that is offered without desire attached is the worst possible sex

Could we change that from "desire" to willingness or

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 9:02am
>>Replying to the overall tone of this support forum. On one hand the partenr with a low sex drive should show care and supoort emotional and sexual needs of their partenr and on the other hand, sex that is offered without desire attached is the worst possible sex<< That pretty much matches up with what I've experienced in real life. In this regard, the LL can't win. And it's pretty common for this to be the status quo. This is the HLs part of making the mismatch work. A willingness to accept a "loving gift" that isn't driven by desire. An appreciation for the LL's efforts to provide what they themselves don't need. The ability to accept the best the LL has to give as "good enough." We don't talk about it as often on here, because there aren't that many vocal LLs (imo.) It's been a long hard road getting to this for me in my relationship, and it is far from 100%, even though I'm providing sex multiple times a week that I don't really want at all. It is important to note that solving the ML without blowing up the relationship takes the work of BOTH partners. The work of just one will rarely fix anything, and I know this first hand because for YEARS I was the only working on solving things in my relationship, in spite of the fact that I am the LL. It was hell on earth. I'm glad the dark days seem to be over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 9:59am

...on the other hand, sex that is offered without desire attached is the worst possible sex.

This was one of the first ideologies that I had to re-examine and ultimately abandon in order to start to make progress toward resolving my ML.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 11:12am
Thank you for your response. Yes, I do see someone. I realize this is me and not him. I am working on it, I know he is a wonderful man. THank you for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 11:14am
What you say here makes a lot of sense. My mind goes with what I think the "norm" should be, so many times a week, etc. Abandoning the rules helps me think differently. Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 11:15am
This is so helpful and true. I appreciate hearing from those of you who have a different way to look at this problem.