I think I know why, but how do I fix it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
I think I know why, but how do I fix it?
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:39pm

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for not even a whole year yet, and for most of the relationship we've had horribly mismatched libidos... He wants it all the time and for a looong time, I don't want it at all. When I do actually give in, I enjoy it, but I want it over with as soon as I've had an orgasm. Or pretended to.

He's also the type that likes to just jump right into sex, while I NEED some type of foreplay to even get remotely ready. We tend to have a lot of conflict about just about everything, so the relationship definitely has more than its fair share of stress.

The problem is, he gets really, really angry at me when I don't have sex with him. If we go a while without it, he adjusts and doesn't bother me, but when we do have sex, he goes right back to wanting it every night and getting angry if I don't.

We have three children under the age of 6, the youngest isn't even a year, and I'm still nursing, so my hormones STILL aren't normal. But I'm only 23... I feel like I shouldn't have this problem. My husband calls me an old woman because I'm not "adventurous" and have no desire to be. I just want to have a normal sexual relationship with my husband. This has caused so many problems and I just want it to go away. I want to feel normal. Please help...

bengals-blink.gif image by miss_rae635

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:46pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:36pm

Hi miss_rae,

Well-from the sound of it, your ML issues probably go beyond hormones. I would surmise that the marital discord is adding it's fair share of havoc. If my dh treated me the way you're saying your dh is treating you, I would feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 6:46pm
I'm only 21, a virgin, and not even dating anyone right now, however I've had concerns about my future sex life. I could forsee being in a situation very similar to these two women. With past boyfriends I've never been pressured to have sex and we never came close, but I've never wanted to. While messing around I've never even gotten turned on. I've never had an orgasm and it has been frustrating in the past. I do think that someone who truly loves and respects you should make an effort to understand where you are coming from, but I would like to want sex and enjoy it. Is there anything that can be done, with a supportive partner, to improve my comfort level and desire for intimacy?