Ideas for LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Ideas for LL
2
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 4:28pm
I have never posted on a board before, but I am out of ideas and after browsing, I thought this would be a great place to get some help. I am 38, married 10 years, 2 kids (ages 2 & 6). I have always had a low sex drive, but I always attributed it to the fact that I think my husband has an exceptionally high sex drive. Since having kids, though, my libido has disappeared. I've asked my gyn about it a few times, but she's been dismissive with my concerns. The best I've gotten is that one time she prescribed a testosterone cream, which was expensive and didn't seem to help. I can't go to another doctor, however, due to my health insurance. The good thing is that I don't have trouble having an orgasm. I don't understand why this isn't a motivator to have sex more often, since I do enjoy it. I have sex most of the time only because I know my husband wants it, but he gets tired of me not being interested. Has anyone else experienced this? Can anyone think of some test I could specifically request from my doctor or something else I could try? I don't feel stressed all the time, so I can't say that is the problem. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
In reply to: kgray2000
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 8:44am
Might I suggest reading the book "The Sex Starved Marriage". It's a good book for both you and your husband. My wife and I have read and discussed it. One of the ideas in the book is that for a good part of the population, desire follows arousal. The desire to continue having sex kicks in after you get aroused. You've say you enjoy sex with your husband once it gets started. So this sounds like desire follows your arousal. So according to the book and I have seen this in articles here at iVillage always and other places, you're basically a person who just has to keep giving oneself a push to get started. As the Nike commercial goes "Just do it". That seems to sound bad to some folks but what is bad about that if you do enjoy having sex with your husband? The issue is just finding the push to get started. Things that might help with that is doing things with your husband that helps draw you emotionally close to help, being it a walk and talk, movie and dinner, what. But instead of him making the first moves, you make it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
In reply to: kgray2000
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:07pm
Thanks for your posting. I've heard of "The Sex Starved Marriage," but never read it. I'll see if I can find it at the library. I think the statement about being "emotionally close" does enter into it more than I think. The ironic thing is that because of our schedules, my husband and I are able to spend more time together than lots of couples our age, but most of the time the kids are with us. I should arrange for a babysitter and date night more often.