I'm really glad

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2007
I'm really glad
19
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 3:03pm

That I found this board. Unfortunately, I put my initial post in the midst of the bickering above, and so I don't think the ones I wanted to hear my story did.

My Dh and I were a ML couple for years. I was the LL and he was the HL. All my adult life, I actually thought that I was the only person in the world who wasn't crazy about sex. I would have tried anything to increase my sex drive. I decided that I must be a freak of nature, broken somehow, but deep down, I never really felt broken. I enjoyed sex once in awhile, but we had sex lots. I knew frequent sex was what he wanted and I loved him enough to do what he wanted, and he loved me enough not to have a bunch of expectations. I think (I hope) he finally understood, after much heart ache and tears (for BOTH of us), that I couldn't understand his sex drive anymore than I could understand mine. We kinda figured that together was more important than being wright or wrong. Now we have found that our sex drives have evened out, his got less and mine got more. And I think that happens a lot to couples as the years go by. But I still felt like a freak. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders just to find there are, indeed, others like me.

I tried before to say that there is a book I found (while reading the reviews for a book someone from another board recommended), called "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate--learning to love your Low Libido " by Joan Sewell that seems like it would be quite good. Anyone familiar with it?

Oh, one more thing. I think the reason there are not more LL on these boards is because LL's, like me, don't think about sex much when were not having it, so we don't usually seek out sex discussions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 3:28pm

<>


I have read about Joan Sewells book but I havent read it. I discovered it at the same time as Perfetly Normal: Living and Loving With Low Libido by Sandra Pertot. I cant remember exactly why but I liked the reviews of Perfectly Normal better so ordered it. Have you read any of I'd Rather Eat Chocolate yet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 3:43pm
I haven't read either book yet. The reviews that I read said that that "Chocolate" book was written more like a story than a handbook or something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 5:13pm
Chocolate is one woman's story. Perfectly Normal is compiled information from a pretty down to earth sex therapist. She has some case studies in the book so it's like many smaller, shorter stories. I think both books are likely to make a LL feel good about themselves, like they are not alone, not broken. And both offer some common sense advice on negotiating the conflict.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 9:18pm

Hi Snoopy,

Welcome to the board, and I hope you stick around! We LLs need support.

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I have felt exactly the same way, and I think the media is largely to blame.

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I read it. It was OK -- a humorous, rather lightweight memoir. The author seemed to take the position that she couldn't and wouldn't have sex if she didn't feel like it, a position I don't agree with. If I only had sex when I felt like it, I would practically never have it. I have no trouble orgasming, but if it were up to me I'd just do it by my own hand, as sex doesn't really arouse me or make me feel closer to my DH. Foot rubs, caresses, good food and wine, great conversation -- those are the things that make me feel bonded to him.

If you've read some of my other posts, you'll know that my DH is not HL (I call him LL with a kink), so we don't have much of a mismatch. I consider our marriage a very strong one.

Freelance

Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 1:21pm

Hi snOOpy,


Nice to have ya w/ us! I did post a response to you in the gargantuan post above, but I'd like to speak w/ you here as well.


You said; " ...would have tried anything to increase my sex drive. I decided that I must be a freak of nature, broken somehow..."


Well, there was a time when I would've done ANYTHING to decrease my sex drive. So I can definitely empathize with feeling like it's something about ourselves. I just couldn't understand how my husband could be so stoic and calm and I felt like a bottled up mess of hormones. I think part of the process of getting through the ML issue-IS to definitely examine oneself and to learn to like yourself just as you are. You aren't any more wierd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 5:39pm

Hi Free,

Thanks for the info about the book.

I totally agree that having sex only when I want to would be totally unfair to my HL Dh. I rarely orgasm with him though, but I think that his drinking problem is the reason for that. I can barely tolerate him when he's been drinking alot (which is most of the time, actually.) And yes, the media really bombards you with sex. Even chewing gum ads, getting ridicules

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 5:52pm
Alcoholism is a HUGE issue
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 9:11am

Hi Elyse,

I read your profile. Your family is the real Brady Bunch isn't it? (or are you too young to remember that show?)

I wish I would have found this place years ago. I was suffering because of ML. Now I have other problems to stress about.

Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 2:45pm

LOL, too young to remember the Brady Bunch? You're kidding, right? LOL!!!! Oh well, no-I know of the Brady Bunch! LOL. You'd have to be speaking to someone living in a CAVE for them to not know the Brady Bunch, either that perhaps someone 20 something? Anyway--sorry to hear you've got some other stresses. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 4:49pm
Im 20 and i know the brady bunch!!
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