Impotence causing problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2012
Impotence causing problems
52
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 3:51pm

My partner is 60 and I am 58. He has always had a very low sex drive, and because he was suffering from high blood pressure the doc

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 4:22pm

You may have answered your own dilemma here.

<< ... need to feel cuddled and wanted all the time. >>

<< ... don't want anyone else but him... >>

What usually comes first, wants or needs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 4:47am

If you're like me, you're at a stage of life where you can be much more direct about what you want out of life.

And since you're effectively in a negotiation right now before you move back in together, it would be a great time to set some parameters so that you're not sweeping this under the carpet as if it were some inconvenient "little" thing.

Two things strike me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 9:03am

It might serve the HL's bargaining stance to characterize sex as a need, not a want. But if a considerable slice of the population isn't interested in having sex, it can't be a need. It's a want. People need food, air, water, and sleep. They need certain vitamins and minerals to avoid diseases like goiter and scurvy. To stay alive and healthy, they also need medical treatment in a crisis. To keep healthy, they need exercise on a regular basis. In a cold climate, they need clothing in some form.

To say that sex is "what makes life worth living" makes no sense at all

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 10:07am

Why not be honest and call sex a want?

Because it is NOT a want for HLs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 11:47am

Oh, this is a mighty convenient piece of justification.

I'm not saying the LL views it as a need or it's the slightest bit important to them.

But to have the LL denigrate it as a "want" in the

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 12:14pm

<< To stay alive and healthy, they also need medical treatment in a crisis. To keep healthy, they need exercise on a regular basis. In a cold climate, they need clothing in some form. >>

I'm glad that you included health in your list of needs and keep in mind that mental health is not only a form of health, but can largely control health for the rest of the body.

For instance, why else do couples married for 50+ years usually die within weeks of each other?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 1:09pm
magnaniman wrote:

Why not be honest and call sex a want?

Because it is NOT a want for HLs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 1:15pm
mol42 wrote:

Oh, this is a mighty convenient piece of justification.

I'm not saying the LL views it as a need or it's the slightest bit important to them.

But to have the LL denigrate it as a "want" in the

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 1:34pm

I suppose unless we're descending into semantics, I'd call both the intimacy & sex the HL wants, and the intimacy

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 2:03pm
>>>>> I don't have your view of a uniform set of meanings that apply to everyone. Because that would imply that what we wanted from life, what gave us ultimate meaning and satisfaction was uniform. I do not presume to judge what other people say is necessary to them to lead a fulfilling, worthwhile life, because that's so much more than what is needed for survival. <<<<<

I agree.

I would go even farther and say that the extent of one's desire / insistence that other people agree to and acept one's own semantic definitions is inversely correlated with one's ability to flexibly find solutions to differences of opinion.

If my wife "wins" the argument that I "merely" WANT sex but do not NEED sex, am I supposed to be more willing to accept an amount or type of sex I find unsatisfying? Where in our wedding vows does it say that as long as my spouse makes sure I have enough food, air and water to live, they have fully satisfied their marital duties? Where does it say that I am being unbreasonable to ask for more than that? To be sure, my wife has a long list of items besides food, air and water that she wants me to help her acquire / experience, and she would not be pleased if I told her "you don't need them, so stop badgering me about helping you obtain them".

When you see it coming, duck!

Pages