Impotence causing problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2012
Impotence causing problems
52
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 3:51pm

My partner is 60 and I am 58. He has always had a very low sex drive, and because he was suffering from high blood pressure the doc

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 8:41am

M, your advice was lovely, thank you.

And sorry it's so difficult for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 9:24am
Dwifey, I know that it must seem that way to you, but it's just not that simple, for a number of reasons. First off, no one can MAKE you feel that which is not there within yourself to start with. Second, even if he never said a word I know the difference between how my body used to respond and how it responds now. How could I not feel like something was wrong? I have no desire, no response, no excitement, nothing. It's like all the connections inside my body have been cut, and nothing is "hooked up" anymore. How can that be his fault? It's not. Plain and simple. I DO have something wrong, something IS broken. So I am going to have feelings about that, no matter what he does or does not do. Now I will admit that most of his reactions have made things much worse instead of better, but honestly, I don't think there is much he could have done to make it any better. It is what it is, I have to find a way to make peace with it, since I cannot find a way to fix it. And he has to find a way to make peace with it as well. It cannot be much easier for him than it is for me. He got involved with HL, with great response, who wanted it for herself all the time. He hit the jackpot with a woman who loved to be touched in the way he likes to touch. He wound up with what I am today. It's not a great thing. Honestly he could have dropped me like a hot rock. He hasn't, because although sex is very important to him, it is not what defines our relationship. We're finding our way through this thing. It's a process. And it has gotten much better over the last 2 years. There is headway being made. I am hopeful for our future together. I would not have said that when I started posting here.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 10:17am
>>>>> It sucks to be inadequate. And anything that fills you with that kind of feeling eventually starts to fill you with dread as well. <<<<<

I understand. I feel totally inadequate as a husband / lover. I feel (and yes, intellectually I know the following is not true for Mrs. Hold but knowing it doesn't help the feeling to go away) that if I were taller or richer or better endowed or better in bed that she would want me, so that her not wanting me is a constant reminder of my inadequacy. Which is why my marriage is so soul destroying for me. If I can't find a way to stop feeling inadequate, my marriage will always be a source of pain instead of a source of comfort.

When you see it coming, duck!

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 10:21am
>>>>> I know the difference between how my body used to respond and how it responds now. How could I not feel like something was wrong? I have no desire, no response, no excitement, nothing. It's like all the connections inside my body have been cut, and nothing is "hooked up" anymore. How can that be his fault? It's not. Plain and simple. I DO have something wrong. something IS broken. <<<<<

I beg to differ. I think you have it backward. I think you were broken before. And now you are fixed. And because you are no longer broken, you are no longer stimulated by the things that stimulated you when you were broken.

Unfortunately, that might mean that you are no longer a good fit for your current partner. But I do not believe that the mismatch indicates you are broken. I suggest it indicates you are healed.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 12:03pm

@hold

Why not stop feeling inadequate? From everything you have written, you are married to a woman who is not interested in sex. Whether you are tall or rich is irrelevant. The sexual motivation of some people--if they had one to begin with--sometimes dies away over time. That is fine for a couple whose sexual motivation fades to black together. They might feel quite content and cozy, doing all the things they enjoy doing together and maybe having sex once in a blue moon, for old times' sake. Or not.

Lost libido is only a problem if one partner still likes frequent sex. For your own mental health, you need to decide whether you want to continue being married to a woman who is not interested in sex, or stop tilting at windmills and start over again, with a view to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2011
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 12:32pm

Of course, you all have realized that "crispina" is OC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 1:56pm

Hold, you have said just what I feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 3:26pm
<>

It never occurred to me. What makes you think that?

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 4:55am

Well, I had that feeling too and wondered about it, but the back-story is different.

I think it's an atttiudinal thing (which I think derives from a common media/cultural meme), but nowhere near the absolutism of OC, and there's more compassion IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2011
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 7:25am

The person that used to be OC had a gmail email address that was used to contact my family members. Got an email signed "crispy" from that address.