An interesting observation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
An interesting observation
8
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 11:59am

It’s not a question of not thinking about sex…

It occurred to me the other day while I was waiting for class that many HLs have stated that their LL partner does not often naturally “think about sex”. And on the surface this seems to make sense, that an HL would naturally think about sex more than an LL. But when I actually thought about it, I realized that a good chunk of my day is actually spent thinking about sex, when I’ll be having it and where, ect. However, that thinking about sex does not translate into a desire for sex more than my natural tendency of (once a week or so).

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Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 5:04pm

Well, there's thinking and thinking. I think the HLs are talking about desire-motivated thinking.

F.

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Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 6:16pm

My DH admits that he really only "thinks" about sex when he's not occupied with other things. For example today he has been occupied with football and now he is occupied with finishing a project for a class, so he's not been "thinking" about sex.

If anything I believe I think about sex more now than back when my libido was more "average". And what's odd is that desire normally comes when I'm not even remotely thinking about sex or anything sexual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 6:23pm

>>If anything I believe I think about sex more now than back when my libido was more "average". And what's odd is that desire normally comes when I'm not even remotely thinking about sex or anything sexual<<



This is true for me also.

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Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 8:06pm

I don't think I obsess about sex, and there is really no anxiety. It is more trying to anticipate when the requests will come so that I can get all of my "work" out of the way. I know that there are some household things that can slide, but many things really do have to be done in order for the house to run.

And I don't think I've ever had "anticipatory" thoughts about sex. It was more thinking "I can't wait to see DH and go have dinner" and the sex just always "happened" without much thinking. I normally feel attractive (if that qualifies as feeling sexy) but I've never really thought about things like seduction. I've always been rather up front and not into all the games and beating around the bush.

Avatar for holdingontoit
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Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 9:45am

You are displaying a very mature and wise perspective.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:56pm
Actually, with the implementation of sex on demand, I am not the gatekeeper of sex. DH has those keys firmly in his hands. For the most part he determines when we will have sex, and he was instrumental in setting aside study time. So, there is little with our sex life that is fully in my control. And that's fine with me.
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Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 1:49pm
And was it burdensome to be the gatekeeper before?
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Registered: 05-31-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 2:06pm
It could be, especially during the time when neither of us was being clear in communicating what sex meant to us and where we thought it fit in the relationship. It was frustrating more than burdensome. And it was basically a case of neither of us being able to relate to the position of the other.