it could ruin a marriage, it's THAT bad!
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|Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:57pm|
Hi. I am 28 years old and a newlywed of less than a year. I am an HL with a HL husband who is my age and we have been together for 3 years. We had the honeymoon phase while dating of great sex, but slowly over time it decreased. Right when we moved in together there was a roomate too and things didn't seem too romantic or intimate and we were always busy. Planning a wedding and moving right away after the wedding didn't help our hectic lives and we plan to have children (if we can agree on when). At this point this could ruin our marriage, it is THAT bad.
My husband has complained about a lack of sex for a long time(sometimes skipping a month, I admit) But it doesn't phase me how it does him - I can bear going without (but don't like to) and he cannot. I think of sex as highly emotional and if I didn't feel like I was being respected/loved/appreciated I didn't feel close or desire sex. For him, the lack of sex slowly took away his desire to be respectful/loving/kind in the ways I needed. Of course he is a wonderful person and never was extreme, but you know what I mean about the intimate connection being gone. One person needs X to give Y, and the other needs Y to give X. So it never works once it goes down hill.
We are both willing to work on solving the problem, but I feel that if I don't do it his way (see a therapist) that it he won't think I am trying EVERYTHING possible. I think it could get better if I am not on the pill, get treated for a hormonal syndrome I have, and work out to feel good about myself.
My question is... how to come to a balance and meet eachothers needs?! I've read a lot and have found that you shouldn't have sex unless both totally agree to it. But then I read that LLs need to "just do it" to please their HL partner, and the HL needs to get less than they really desire. Does anyone have advice other than divorce or feel miserable?!
I really appreciate any feedback you have! And thanks for reading this (it's long!) :) I really am desperate for ANY ideas and I feel like I can't express how awful this is in words.