As it stands now

>>I really needed him to just hold me and give me support.

...my grandmother suffered from this horrible disease...she mercifully had a heart attack and died...but, the drugs for this disease in and of themselves cause suffering...I think, but can't remember for certain ( early 90s) the doctors told her that at some point it becomes treat the disease or treat the side effects of the drugs...my thoughts are with you...I have no words of wisdom for you, but if anyone on this board tries to tell you that maybe you can frame his sexual advances after you pour out your heart about your worries right now differently or that you should now stipulate that the times you talk about your grandfather or mother isn't a "sex on deman time" or else it should still be sex on demand time..tell them to go suck eggs...or whatever else you can think of...

tiptoeing, your strength and your wisdom has amazed me many times. You are a rolemodel for us all and I hope that everything is moving in the right direction for you. Be very, very clear about what you want from your husband at this time.