Just can do without...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Just can do without...
2
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 12:59am

I have been with my husband for 19 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 6:57am

...I view the fact that the thought of having sex with your husband makes you sick and that you are worried you will cheat as two signs that you aren't attracted to him...for me, I couldn't make it work...I couldn't make a marriage work with a man I was not attracted to...I did not cheat...but, he did become involved with another woman before his death...I don't call his behavior cheating as he was totally starved at home for physical affection, sex, and time spent with a woman...I denied him all of those things...so...you're going to have to decide what is important to you...your marriage?..if so, you'll have to address the sick feelings you have (obviously, you don't "have" to...just my opinion) and stretch out of your comfort zone by compromising with him...one suggestion used here is to split the weeks...one week you have all of the sex (or not) that you want and he goes along enthusiastically...the next week, it's his turn and you will go along enthusiastically...me and my husband actually added up the amount of sex he wants with the amount I want and we sort of divide it...if having sex with other partners is something you desire, tell him and open up the relationship for him too...of course, that may come with the consequence of your marriage ending...also, please consider that while you feel " he is throwing it in my face non-stop and making me feel worthless and like there is something bad wrong with me"...he probably feels the exact same way...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 11:42am

Congratulations on seeking help and in - I hope - recognising the seriousness of the situation you face.