LL and feel terrible

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
LL and feel terrible
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 4:53pm

Hi -

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 6:25pm

Well you're taking a good first step in thinking about working on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 5:35am

Tell me, have you always been LL....or is this something which has just happened in the past couple of years?

If it's the former, then the previous post has some great ideas.

But if it's just happened in the last couple of years, please read on:
I strongly agree that your libido would be higher if you were attracted to him. But how to make yourself more attracted to someone who no longer turns you on? That's not so easy. And there's certainly no easy way to tell someone that you're not into them anymore. Heaven knows, it's hard enough to admit to ourselves that we no longer find our partner attractive - let alone tell them.

When I lost desire for my ex-husband, I also blamed his weight. Though in our cause, he gotten far too thin. But in the end, I discovered that his personality was the problem. I now think I would have been attracted to him at any reasonable size if the personality match had been better.

I don't know that he necessarily has to do more...it's more about trying to address the things in the marriage which aren't working for you. There could be things which both of you need to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 11:12am

You have received some great advice already, but I had a suggestion to add.

You mention that you are both overweight and you also say that you're tired in the evenings. I think I have a potential kinderegg-idea for you (three things in one):

How about you join a gym, start going for regular walks or take a dancing class together? (Or even all three.) While doing this, you could decide HEALTH is a priority for your family now and in the future, thus changing your diets.

You would:

1. Spend time together and have a joint project, which means you may re-discover what attracted you to begin with.

2. Potentially increase your sex drive through natural means (excercise and healthier food).

3. Make a better future for your two year old child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 11:25am

I agree with this, a joint exercise program is a great start. Also a healthy cooking class they could take together would be a great addition (check with local community colleges or natural foods stores for classes.)

Take charge of it now, before one or both of you wind up diabetic and you HAVE to make changes in a hurry (that's what happened to us.)

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 3:31pm
I like this suggestion. I am also told that engaging in risky and/or physically
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:45pm

>> I am also told that engaging in risky and/or physically demanding activities together regenerates the hormones that are present in the beginning of most relationships, in effect simulating those feelings of infatuation and motivation to please the other person.<<

I don't know about this. Of course, I can't speak for anyone else, but risky and/or demanding activities didn't make me more attracted to my ex-husband.

Before the end of our marriage, we took up abseiling (rapelling), canyoning and caving. I could get a massive adrenaline rush from abseiling off something REALLY big.....but all it did was highlight how dull things were at home.

I can't imagine any sport or activity would would make an unappealing husband more appealing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 12:34am

Maybe what I'm hearing about the hormonal thrill is more about keeping an already good sexual relationship alive than bringing one back from the dead.