LLs: can't or won't?
Find a Conversation
|Sat, 11-24-2007 - 9:38pm|
I'm new to the boards but I've spent a lot of time reading and re-reading posts about a lot of ML issues. I honestly don't know if this has been formally addressed (I may have missed it if it has) but there was something that I noticed and wanted to bring up.
I see many an LL here say that they "simply cannot have/initiate/enjoy sex the way my SO does." "Can't" is a very powerful word, meaning that is IMPOSSIBLE to do something. I ask LLs whether it is a lack of ability that keeps them from enjoying sex, or simply a lack of willpower.
Now before everyone jumps on me over this, I want to say that the question of "can't vs. won't" is something I've dealt with before. I've struggled with my weight for years, at one time being 30 pounds overweight. After trying to lose the weight, and being angry and disgusted with myself, I decreed that "I just can't lose this weight." I saw other people lose weight, work out, diet, exercise and mumbled "If only...", then sighed and said "I can't do that."
Then, I finally decided to try the diet/exercise thing again. It was incredibly discouraging at times and very hard to do. Many a time I felt annoyed and embarrassed and threatened to quit once again. But it worked and, in time, lost 20 pounds of that weight. I'm still working on that last 10, but I learned an important lesson: it wasn't that I "couldn't" lose the weight; I just simply "didn't want to" do the work! I didn't want to exercise and diet, cut out candy and soda, and run around a track getting nasty and sweaty. Could I do that? Sure! But I just didn't want to!
This concept is probably nothing new to some people, but I want to apply that logic to LL folks. Is it that you "can't" enjoy/initiate/have sex with your SO, or is it that you don't want to go through the embarrassing and painful self-examination required to do so, similar to what one has to do to lose weight?
Is it that you "can't like sex as much as s/he does" or that you "don't want to like it"? Are you "just not wired to enjoy sex" the way that some people are just "wired to gain weight" or is that the wiring is just not being tended to?
Edited 11/24/2007 9:44 pm ET by workingman2112