LLs: Were you Higher libido when you ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
LLs: Were you Higher libido when you ...
8
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 4:31pm

LLs: Were you Higher libido when you were younger?



  • Yes, I had a higher libido when younger/early in new relationships
  • No, I have always been LL and I was upfront about this with all partners.
  • No, I was always LL but pretended because I wanted men/my spouse to like me.


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 6:43am
I'll be interested in how many choose the second option. I'll bet not to many. Wish my wife had. Found an old journal of hers from when we dated. She wrote how much sex meant to me but couldn't come to tell me she didn't feel the same way. So she just faked it until we were married. Great!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 9:27am

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I can certainly understand why a HL would feel resentful and duped in this situation. Not to justify the behaviour, but I think this type of faking may seem so NECESSARY to some women that it quickly becomes ingrained. It always seemed to me that I didn't have a choice about it, unless I was willing to completely and permanently give up all the pleasures of dating, relationships, marriage, and family life. Sexual faking seemed as inevitable a part of life as, say, feigning interest when your boring boss is chatting you up at a cocktail party or sitting quietly in church when you're bored and want to run around. That I actually had a CHOICE about it didn't even enter my mind.

As I've stated before, I think education could go a long way toward making LLs feel better about themselves, and thus less inclined to fake and more proactive in seeking out other LLs.

Freelance




Edited 11/17/2007 10:41 am ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 10:31am

>>I can certainly understand why a HL would feel resentful and duped in this situation. Not to justify the behaviour, but I think this type of faking may seem so NECESSARY to some women that it quickly becomes ingrained.<<

As you've indicated, it is rather deceptive. Likewise, I've known a couple of men who got married by telling their fiances that they wanted children when they privately told me they didn't. I tried to tell them to be upfront about their desires, but they felt the societal pressure that LLs feel.

Needless to say, both of the wives are resentful-one because she'll never have children, the other because she was told that since SHE wanted kids, they are HER responsibility ALONE!

I may be in the social minority, but I MUCH prefer honesty over conformity.

-dadguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 10:45am

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I do too -- my point was simply that, when cultural forces are strong enough, certain dishonest behaviours become so ingrained as to seem inescapable.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 11:07am

Freelance,


I don't think you realize how much this has caused a problem especially for me. When one has a certain amount of sex and then with no explanation it goes down, one has to wonder what is wrong with them. This put an enormous strain on our early relationship that didn't have to happen if I had known the truth. I had terrible anger issues that all stemmed from her rejection of me. The lack of sex and affection was devastating for me emotionally and psychologically. I think even for her this was not a good period in our relationship that could have been avoided with a little honesty. Even saying, " I know how much sex means to you but it doesn't mean the same thing for me. I love you and find you attractive but I just don't need or want the same amount of sex as you do." That would have changed the situation allot. The with holding of sex and affection without comment is cruel

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 1:25pm

<>

I totally agree!

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 11:19pm

I am not voting but I wanted to throw in my 2 cents


Today and for the last 10 years I have been high if not VERY high libido!


however when I was in my 20's, when I worked many shifts, had two little kids I was VERY LL


I look back now and feel VERY bad for my ex husband...he was always a good guy and I had NO idea how my refusal of sex would affect someone.... I am going through it now with my partner, and it makes me feel terrible...ego crusher to say the least, had really taken a toll on my self esteem....I know I cant Monday morning quarterback- but if I knew then, what I know now,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 9:10am
DITTO !

 Rich, good to the last drop