it's my first time posting here.
In my view, having a "low libido for partnered sex" is perfectly compatible with masturbating to porn. Some people respond (with arousal) only to fantasy and to very specific images. Sounds like your boyfriend may be one of them.
If that's how you feel, then the relationship is doomed. You do realize that HE CANNOT HELP IT if he loses his erection. Also, it has nothing to do with your attractiveness. I'll bet he could be with Jessica Alba and his penis would react exactly the same way.
I think you're bang-on correct.
When I met my DH (he was 41, I was 37), the exact same thing happened: he couldn't get it up or keep it up for the first few months of our relationship. The reason I didn't take it personally is that I'm LL myself so I understood what was going on. In time he learned to relax enough to respond more, but never at HL levels. He has a kink that he finds easier to explore online than with me, and I can accept that as I'm not into the stuff that turns him on. Our sex life is rather tepid by most standards but I would say our overall marriage is very strong and happy, as we share most of the same attitudes and goals. We're also very affectionate toward each other.
All this works well for ME, as I'm LL. You have to ask yourself whether a similar arrangement would work for YOU, a HL. From what you've written so far, I suspect it wouldn't. Please don't put your energy into changing him. That's not fair to either of you. He's made it ABUNDANTLY clear to you, through both words and actions, that he doesn't have an average male libido. (I hesitate to say "normal," because the more I live and learn, the more I realize that human libido spans an astonishingly wide range.) If you can't accept that, I'd suggest you do yourselves both a favour and end the relationship.
well i thank you for your response and your honesty.
i care about him a lot... and i want to help him.
You say you're trying to help him and that he wants your help, but I think it would benefit both of you to admit that you're trying to change a man that doesn't match your ideals into a man that does. You'll say he "almost" does...that with a little more work he will match your ideals, but millions of women find themselves after years and years of a relationship with a "fixer-upper" man that never quite got "fixed up" and they're still frustrated, still trying to
Sounds like he is addicted to porn and enjoys jerking off. I have jerked off