Looking to get back my sex drive!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Looking to get back my sex drive!
12
Sun, 06-21-2009 - 6:14pm

Hi all-
I've been in an amazing relationship for about a year and a half. It's been easy going, smooth sailing, and I believe I've found my perfect match. (I'm 29)
Up until last November or so, my sex drive had been normal, healthy (with my partner and in the past, with my ex). I was happy to initiate, to explore different positions, etc. Always eager to have sex.
All of this changed around November- it seems like somebody just switched the power off in my sex drive. I feel absolutely nothing when I have sex, have very low sex drive, even for masturbating (I used to masturbate a few times a week, now maybe once or twice a month). It's driving me crazy because I WANT to enjoy sex, I miss those passionate moments, I used to LOVE having sex with my boyfriend, and now I'm almost making myself do it just to see if I can get my mood back. We used to have sex about 5 or more times a week, now it's gone down to 2 or 3, and I'm basically doing it because I don't want him to feel rejected. He has a very normal, healthy sex drive and obviously misses the old times- he's been very supportive overall.
Nothing really changed last year- no new medications, no new stresses, no new diet, the relationship is just as stable as before. My doctor recently changed my birth control pills to ones with a much lower dose of hormones, and she told me that would make a big difference. It didn't.
What can I do to get my sex drive back? I don't think this is a typical case of mismatched libidos, because I really do want to be able to enjoy sex again, to feel something!!

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-21-2009 - 11:19pm

That is a mystery-- sounds hormonal, doesn't it? I wonder if it's the BC pills. Some things to consider trying--

1. get off pills altogether and use an alternate form of BC
2. buy some sexy novels or look at sexy stuff on the Internet
3. weight training increases testosterone
4. there are dietary measures that are supposed to help-- you can google it

Best of luck to you, that is weird. Hope it resolves soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 11:53am

Think sex!

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 12:08pm

I understand your frustration more than you could possibly know. I have been battling this for over 7 years. One thing I would say straight off the bat is to have your thyroid checked and make sure the Dr knows the new standard 'normal' levels for TSH. Those levels are 0.3-3.0. Any TSH over 3.0 means you are hypothyroid and it can very much affect your enjoyment of and desire for sex.

Going with hormone free birth control if possible is one good thing to try as another poster suggested, and the weight training as well. Sexy reading materials, etc, all of it is worth a try.

I discovered one thing about my own sex drive over the course of close examination, which may or may not be true for you. I find that once I have been in a stable relationship for a over a year (usually this happens around the year and a half or two year mark for me) I actually don't really want sex much anymore. The thrill of the hunt is what really turns me on. Once I get used to the person, eh, it's just so-so.

I am not sure what the solution to that one is, am working on it. Hopefully it is not what is troubling you.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 2:42pm

I find that once I have been in a stable relationship for a over a year (usually this happens around the year and a half or two year mark for me) I actually don't really want sex much anymore. The thrill of the hunt is what really turns me on. Once I get used to the person, eh, it's just so-so...I am not sure what the solution to that one is, am working on it.


Masks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 2:51pm

are you serious? Not gonna work. Elaborate role playing where one of us 'picks up' the other one in some neutral territory might work, but DH is not one for role play, it feels extremely silly and contrived to him (and I can't say I blame him, it IS contrived.)

Nice try though.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 2:59pm
I guess I've seen too many operas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 3:02pm

I don't know if any form of playacting or role playing would work for me or not. I am not sure if I could suspend my disbelief in that type of scenario, and since DH is averse to role playing, I won't ever know.

As for Opera, I hear it's an acquired taste, it's another thing I have no experience with. I am a fan of theater, greek, shakespeare, modern, all of it.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 3:05pm

ok probably lame and tame, but.......what about putting suggestions in a jar such as:


one night he does to you whatever he wants


one night he does to you whatever YOU want.


One night you do to him whatever he wants


One night you do to him whatever he wants.


(add your own)


If you cant predict every move, or control every move, or more importantly in your relationship, he cant control and whine about it every single time, maybe you can relax a little and enjoy the unexpected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 3:21pm

It sounds like a good idea, but mostly, I just want him to leave me be so I can sleep most of the time. My sex drive is just not there at all. It's not like I wish he would do xyz, or in this position or whatever...it's just I don't want it at all. No fire. So all that would happen with the jar is what happens now, only on a schedule. My nights, nothing would happen, his nights he does what he wants, (or I do what he wants) and I don't really enjoy it anyway, which he isn't exactly thrilled about. Me 'taking one for the team' doesn't make him happy. He wants me to want him.

We've hijacked a thread with my no-win attitude...sorry

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 6:21pm

I firmly believe that sex without the love and passion, over time grows old.

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