low libido or another woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
low libido or another woman?
4
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:52pm
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over two years now. When we first started dating we had sex at least once a day. About 2 months after we started dating I got pregnant. Everything was good until about 2 months after the baby was born. Now he never wants to have sex. He says he has a prostate problem (he has been to the doctor 4-5 times and they found nothing wrong), now he says he is getting old and can't do it as much as he used to but he is 27 and he never tries. Now it seems like he is getting home later every day and doesn't even want to talk to me when he is home. He "goes to his mom's house" every weekend to work on his truck, he stays gone for like 4-5 hours at a time, but he never gets anything done. I am getting so frustrated and I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 4:54pm
Sorry to say this to you but -- Sounds suspisiously like he is seeing someone else to me. Anyway you can check up on him? Good luck. Hope I am wrong for your family's sake.
Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 4:46pm

Hi evvys_mom,


Welcome. I'm sorry to say that I have to agree, his behavior does sound suspicious.


It sort of sounds like maybe this whole relationship happened really fast. It also sounds like with baby coming, it meant he had to grow up and maybe at 27 he just isn't willing to do that, yet.


You said; "Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over two years now. When we first started dating we had sex at least once a day. About 2 months after we started dating I got pregnant. Everything was good until about 2 months after the baby was born. Now he never wants to have sex. He says he has a prostate problem (he has been to the doctor 4-5 times and they found nothing wrong), now he says he is getting old and can't do it as much as he used to but he is 27 and he never tries. Now it seems like he is getting home later every day and doesn't even want to talk to me when he is home. He "goes to his mom's house" every weekend to work on his truck, he stays gone for like 4-5 hours at a time, but he never gets anything done. I am getting so frustrated and I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?"


First of all, he looks for excuses to NOT be with you. Sexually, emotionally and even physically. He's telling you that he has prostate issues, yet a physicians exam has revealed nothing. He won't openly communicate with you what his side to this is. He said he's working on his truck, yet it's never fixed.


I think what I'd do is contact his Mother and say, "Sorry Mom, b/f won't be over this weekend to work on his truck...(maybe you'll get an answer then)" than I'd contact my Mother and ask if she'd be willing to watch your child. Take him out somewhere and say openly, "Look, I know something is going on and the very least I think you and I could do for one another is to be honest, we have a child together and she's worth at least that much, don't you think?" You won't want to be accusatory, but be ready to hear whatever answers he gives. Be the adult you expect HIM to be.


Part of being a grown up is owning up to your mistakes and if he's making them, hopefully he'll be able to tell you so. My concern about checking on him and what not is that the only thing it would accomplish is more pain for YOU. If he's doing something dishonorable, he's the one that needs to feel the pain. This isn't your fault, you didn't force him to do this and if he's with some chick, she didn't force him either. This is all him. I was in a similar situation years back. I even told the guy, "Look, if this is too fast for you I would understand if you wanted to walk away, me and baby will be just fine...I don't want you to end up resenting me..." and the idiot STAYED (pride is a killer) and it all came true, the resentment, the cheating...he even started DRINKING and yes, avoiding me to. Oddly enough, he was the same age!


If you get the idea that he isn't going to be forthcoming with you, your only other option is marital counseling and if he won't go, than you need to. Obviously this situation is less than healthy for you and baby. Some people are great parents, but great spouses are something that is not a possibility. We're here for you. Take this one step at a time, and try hard not to jump to conclusions. In the end, he may just be running to a friend to get away...who knows.


Elyse


Either way, he's hiding SOMETHING and if isn't another woman, what is it? This isn't an issue with HER--it's an issue between the two of you and if he isn't at a place where he's ready for this type of committment than he needs to just say so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 12:21am

Ok - I caught this the first time I read your email. Sorry if so harsh:

"About 2 months after we started dating I got pregnant"

Two months? That is a very short time to be with someone and have to make a lifelong decision. He may feel "trapped" and if he has sex with you may feel more trapped.

I know that is an awful thing to say... but that was my first reaction to your post.

Avatar for cl_elyse449
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 2:11pm

...you know what they say? Life is what happens when you're busy making plans. It was fast, I agree-it was fast in my case, to. That is a factor, sure.


We'd just gotten back together, we had previously dated and honestly-looking back I realize that I should've known better...he quit dating ME to go back to a highschool sweetie! That should've revealed to me his ability to commit! But that's