Made it out alive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Made it out alive
5
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 8:48am

This will most likely be the last discussion I start for some time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 9:29am

<>

I'm sorry to hear it and hope you change your mind. I can hardly remember my initial motive to seek out this board. It has now become a forum for stimulating discourse with a bunch of insightful, erudite folks. You're one of the key players, and it would be a shame to see you retreat!

<>

Yes, I think that would be absolutely key. It's arguably unfair for the HL to have to keep the emotional flames burning when physical intimacy is scarce, but fair never bought happiness, did it?

<>

I agree this is a good approach. As I stated in another post, I think subtle cues can work well in a sexually balanced relationship, but backfire big-time in a couple with sexual issues.

<>

It sounds like you've taken the high and difficult road in this journey, with some hard-earned results to show for it. Hope things keep improving for you.

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:08pm

Glenn


It sounds like you have really worked through the issues and have come out on the other side with peace and hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:31pm

<>


Thank you Gary, and I will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 1:20pm

Hi Glenn,


This is pretty much what I did in my situation.


Not sure you've ever read many of those posts, but basically it amounted to redirecting my attentions elsewhere, focusing on the love I had in my life (my family/friends/positives to LL dh) appreciating that-rather than looking to what I don't/didn't have. Within this I located a church I enjoy attending, got a job, volunteered time w/ my dd's youth org. Part and parcel was suppressing my desires.


What I can say about this is that it WORSENED things with time. In my situation I realized that there were other emotional things lacking that inhibited our intimacy in general, not just our sex life. Because my dh refuses to open up to me and share his feelings and because I won't pry them out of him-well, we hit a stalemate. My dh is extremely closed off-he's almost like the "great void" in our relationship...whereas I am open/honest/etc.


So, I guess if I had to give advice to any HL who is choosing this avenue, I would say that keep in mind that the OTHER non-sexual aspects to your relationship will eventually come to the forefront and some of those can be WORSE than no-sex. Than again-they do say that lack of sex in a relationship can be a sign of other issues w/in that unit.


Best wishes to you on your road, may it bring you light and happiness. What I can say about it is, it has brought me much inner peace. I am unsure what the future will bring, but I don't see this improving for us-not after 10 yrs...so perhaps my next step is learning to say goodbye.


Elyse

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 1:40pm

Elyse, I'm sorry you went from one stalemate to another.