Male Low Libido, Girlfriend Needs Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Male Low Libido, Girlfriend Needs Help!
3
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 1:30pm

I've been seeing this guy off and on for 2 years now. I'm very attracted to him and he is to me. We use to have sex multiple times a day, but he sex drive has gone way below normal for at least 4-5 months now. We’re a younger couple, I expected this kind of stuff when we get older but were only 19-20. He doesn’t have long stressful days or anything because right now he is unemployed and I supporting us. Were both students, and it is the summer term now. So I don’t know what is wrong.

He just not as hot for me anymore or something. Like when we have sex, he orgasms a lot faster then me now… Most of the time it long enough for him to get off and enough to make me want it more. Before we could go for hours and he would give me multiple orgasms, the sex was great. 4-play was great!

But now he barely ever touches me, he never performs oral he doesn’t even do I make out session. I’ve tried to tell him I need more stimulation before hand. But he just rubs my clit and bit and lubes up. Whenever I ask for something after he is finish he says he is tired and that he juices are in there, and tell me to shower and douche before he will do it.

Now I thought buying a sex toy would help, but since then he seems to care less about turning me on, and more about his own pleasure. It makes me feel like he has given up on trying and left the job to the toy. I ask him to use the toy on me and it the same response “I’ll do it later,” or “I’m tired.” When he says later after he come to bed, he never in the mood in the afternoons anymore it always in the evening an hour or less before we go to bed, before I have to get up early for work.

What gets me though, is he says it is because he is older and he just not as young anymore and that why he not in the mood or having it with me as often. Or that he put on a little weight and that affects it. Which I can understand, but when he is home he masturbates 3-4 times, and asks me for oral at least 3 times after I get home. I work a 7 hour work day 5 days a week, and I tell him, I’m tired when I get home but give me and hour and I will be refreshed enough.

I have no idea what to do, but I can’t keep handling it anymore my body is deprived! I feel like it is my fault.

Can anyone help me? Thank you for any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 4:32pm

"Now I thought buying a sex toy would help, but since then he seems to care less about turning me on, and more about his own pleasure. It makes me feel like he has given up on trying and left the job to the toy. "

Sounds like he's stopped working on the relationship and basically taking care of himself. I can't provide a reason why. You said this has been an on and off relationship so the relationship might be heading toward the off stage again. He just can't admit it to you. He might be ready yet for a long term relationship as it requires a lot of work to keep one going. He can't be selfish like he is being for the relationship to work.

"What gets me though, is he says it is because he is older and he just not as young anymore and that why he not in the mood or having it with me as often. "

LOL. Twenty years old?! First time I have heard that excuse for someone so young!! The relationship is two years old so he may be past the "in-love" phase where lots of folks go at it like rabbits. Sex is fun, exciting and very easy for lots of folks to have during this stage. You said his sex drive has gone below normal. Normal for the average couple is 1-2X a week. But if I understand what you are writing, it doesn't sound like his drive has diminished much, just his desire to have sex with you.

He has lots of excuses it seems and not much interested in working on the relationship. I don't way the relationship has been an on/off relationship but I think you may be seeing red flags as to how this relationship will work in the future, particularly in the sexual area. You feel like it is your fault and maybe you are contributing to it some but it sounds like your boyfriend is leaving the relationship almost all together. That he is back to the "off again" stage. So my question for you is should you remain in this relationship since it has been an on/off relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 5:06pm

Well it not really to off and on, we were together for 11 months off for 1 year, but still living together beign really close. Friends with Benefits kind of thing, and he asked me back out agian and we've been together now for 3 months.

and in other aspects of the relationship he there 100%, just the sex that is fading big time since before we got back together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 5:49pm

"and in other aspects of the relationship he there 100%, just the sex that is fading big time since before we got back together."

Some men have issues with intimacy once the relationship becomes permanent or appears to be permanent. It may be at the point he is just interested in being friends without benefits. Sometimes good/best friends don't make good lovers.