Marriage ruining sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Marriage ruining sex
13
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:24am

How often I hear of people losing interest in sex after marriage. Is there just something about living with someone and getting too close and familiar that kills libido? Obviously that's not the case for everyone; some people want sex even after the passion has died. But almost always after marriage, someone loses interest.


That's the trouble with this LL, and many others I think--I need to feel a little crush on a guy to want sex, and moving in eventually killed the infatuation I needed to want sex.


I'm against marriage personally. The main purpose of vows is to keep people in a relationship when someone thinks it's best to leave.

 


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:39am

I definitely share your thoughts here. Monogamous long term relationships don't stay passionate for me. I don't know if they would if we lived separately either....but it is interesting to consider.

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:41am

<>

Maybe so but I'd rather live with the reality of having my partner there with me and for me (and vice-versa) than living the fantasy life you describe. Those feelings of yearning are not appealing to me anymore. Been there, done that, don't want to do that anymore. I want something real and tangible. Reality can never compete with fantasy. The challenge is to inject some fantasy into our every day realities. That gives you the best of both worlds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:50am

All the info I've seen indicates that it's the length of relationship rather than marriage specifically that kills the sex - at least, many women come to want cuddles and intimacy rather than sex specifically, whereas most men's interest stays higher.


Marriage is also probably correlated with having kids, which have a notorious effect on both opportunity and libido!


Personally, I have no problem with lower levels of passion, this is more than made up for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 11:51am
...me too...I don't want hot sex with just anyone...I want hot sex with my husband...if I have to stretch out of my comfort zone to do my part to make sure we have hot sex, so be it...in the end (with a satisfying sexual relationship) I will have a happy, sexually satisfied, affectionate, respectful, supportive man...that is a nice kinda of man to walk through this life with...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 6:33am

I believe it varies and not one size fits all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 10:15am
...I think most relationships have issues that absolutely color their sex drive/desire...or, drives it down...so...it might not be about their want of a boring sex life that makes them not work at it most of the time (I am a firm believe that attraction is the driver...period...)...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 9:21am
Marriage is about property. In many of the missives it is about owning. Our legal system needs an overhaul! Once married then since they "have" what they want there is no reason to keep the facade any longer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 9:57am

We're joint owners of property because we're equal partners in the relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 10:14am
You are very fortunate. My marriage was a lie from start to finish.
Although she was the best of roommates.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:54am

I'm sorry to hear that, that's sad.

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