May-December, mis-matched libidos, depression and medication.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
May-December, mis-matched libidos, depression and medication.
15
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 5:17pm

It has been awhile since I've frequented iVillage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004

I wish I could offer encouragement but you sure have a lot of obstacles stacked up against you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
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The effect of antidepressants on libido and sexual response is very real. (As a personal example, I can usually reach orgasm through masturbation within a couple of minutes, but when on my antidepressant I can rub away for an hour or longer and still not get there. Also, my desire for sexual release goes way way down. It's a completely physiological effect and has nothing to do with attitude.) As long as she's on the drugs, you need to fully accept that she won't be as interested in or responsive to sex as you might like. If you're unable to accept it, this is not the right relationship for you.

JMHO Freelance
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011

Thank you for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

Everyone makes a special effort early on in a relationship. I don't consider this deceptive (unless carried to extremes) as much as a natural part of the mating dance. What you're now seeing is the real her. Not fair of you to try to get her to change her core self. You either take her "as is" or move on. Your need for intimacy is as valid as her need for distance. You're not wrong, she's not wrong, you just may be wrong together.

Freelance

Avatar for moondesert
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Honestly?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011

Thanks for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Hopefully you are more precise in asking for what you want than you were in posting here. If not, it may behoove you to make clear to your partner and your therapist that sex is not what you require at all, and that affection and physical gestures there of, that do not lead to sex, would be sufficient for you. In actuality you cannot be too precise about these things. And you must make the partner aware that these things do NOT lead you to wanting/expecting sex (if indeed they do not.)

It is very common for LL individuals to shy away from these kinds of gestures, because they believe the gesture will be misread as a desire for sex, or that the partner will try to use the gesture to lead to sex. If you make it clear that this is not the case, most LLs can be encouraged to become affectionate once more, provided that the love has not been destroyed in the conflict.

Best of luck to you, and let us know how things turn out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011

I'm not sure why I'm back with an update.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

I guess you're observing the "rubber band" effect that FLM eloquently describes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

I'm entertaining myself at work and reading old posts, if you are still around I would love an update, hopefully you moved home and 2012 is going much better for you.

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