Last night was another downhill event for us.
I'm wondering if it might be more productive to talk about "finding common ground" than about your needs and his needs. As Vixen has pointed out elsewhere, the "tit for tat" approach is a rather utilitarian and mercenary approach to dealing with marital discord. If you framed the discussion as trying to find common ground in sexual expression and other areas of disharmony, might this help you view each other as allies rather than adversaries? Just musing here.
I really get the feeling that your husband is not sensitive to your needs sexually and emotionally.